Mindful Musings #221

There is a line.

A barrier.

The ‘we’ who exist on this side of the line

Does not translate to the ‘we’ who exist on the other side.

Pleasantries exchanged

Lead to strange indifference

Beyond the barrier.

The box.

Within

We exist as a whole new set of human beings

With different relationships to others

And to each other.

No matter the one-sided effort

These relationships cannot exist

Beyond a sliver of illusion

On the other side of that line.

That barrier.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Musings, 0 comments

Music in the Soul

For those of you who may not know, I’ve been an avid fan of Linkin Park since my youth. I might not have been absolutely insane about them like a lot of my friends, but I’ve held their music close. Even the new stuff that a lot of people didn’t like I enjoyed. With the death of Chester Bennington, I felt a profound sense of loss. I never met him, I was never able to make it to a concert, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel some connection with him and the rest of the band through the music they made.

I found this beautiful mashup today by Kurt Hugo Schneider. It’s haunting and wonderful. I almost cried listening to it. If you are a fan and are feeling loss right now, I encourage you to listen to it.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

12 Months is a Long Time

And I’m already losing my mind about it.

For those of you who don’t know, my husband has been attending college for the last two years after releasing from the military. These last two years have been a struggle, both financially and emotionally for a variety of reasons.

Finally, it appears as though there is light at the end of the tunnel! On August 1st he starts a job with a really good company as a work experience student! Provided he passes the placement (which he should) and gets hired on in November, the company offers really good benefits, competitive wages and a whole host of other awesomeness.

Ah, now Sarah, where’s the catch? You all know me so well.

Of course, things can’t be that smooth. The major catch is that this amazing job is in another city approximately 2.5 hours away from where we currently live. This isn’t a commuting kind of deal.

He’s found a room to rent, sadly with strangers because we just couldn’t find someone through a mutual friend, and he’ll try to come home on weekends. We will not be able to relocate to this place for at least a year due to educational commitments on my end and with our son attending programs to help with his behavioural issues.

So this means, for the next 12 months (at least), I will be carrying the emotional burden of a single parent. Yes, I will be receiving his income, but all of the day-to-day duties will fall upon my shoulders.

Needless to say, my friends, I am going to be stressed to shit for the next year. I’ve already been less than sympathetic and understanding to others lately and people really shouldn’t expect that to change. Simply put: I have too much shit going on to care.

At this point, all I can do is hope that my boys are able to cope with their missing father as best as they can. That the fights, the yelling and the taunting each other diminishes at least a bit. I’ve got a lot of shows queued up on Netflix, I’ve got some video games to play and I’ve got the desk ready for my homework. I’ve got some workout exercises ready to go because I’m going to have far too much time.

Unless you’re my wife or my sister, don’t expect me to have too much time for you. The only real exception is my son’s former JK teacher.

I haven’t even been able to write on here as frequently as I wanted, although that’s a whole new ball of wax.

Who knows? Perhaps I will have more time to write on here because I’m just so goddamn efficient at getting everything else done.

I can be pretty amazing.

Just sit back, world, and watch me rock this show.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Grond: The Raven High: Grond Book 1 Review

3 Stars3 / 5

If you’re looking for a space-adventure that flies a bit outside what is usually expected, you’re going to find it in Yuri Hamaganov’s Grond: The Raven High: Grond Book 1. Our protagonist is a young girl, Olga, who is living on a space station far outside the realm of earth. Here, she is raised by an Android and begins preparing for work at the tender age of six. Olga, called Raven by her android nanny Arina and curator Mikhail Petrov, works tirelessly in her strange little bubble to be able to run a plant that produces water. We follow along her everyday life as she prepares for her occupation and demonstrates her higher than average aptitude. It will soon be clear to readers that Olga is not an ordinary six-year-old girl, at least by current standards. She is something more advanced that the human beings we are today. Where her life will take her is an interesting journey.

As the first book in an apparent series, it is up to the author to build their world. First installments set the stage for future books. They captivate the interest of readers and leave them wanting more. Hamaganov does write quite eloquently and it is clear that some amount of research went into creating this novel. The world is not too far in the distant future and the layout is somewhat believable. Olga is isolated on a space station and has video communication with Petrov on a consistent basis. As we learn more about her origins and the type of work required of her, we begin to empathize with Olga’s predicament. When she faces the greatest struggle of her young life, readers will find themselves hoping that she will come out victorious.

There are areas for improvement, however. Several times throughout our story the voice changes from past to present in the middle of sentence. This is confusing for the readers as we’re not sure what’s supposed to be happening. Not a lot of detail is given about the state of Olga’s world, why she’s referred to as ‘Raven’, and how exactly it became okay to use child labour. We know that Olga is not the only one, as there is reference to other children in the same line of work as she. We also know that Olga is not quite an organic human being, but it’s never clearly stated if she was born with her advanced capabilities or if her parents simply sold her off to be implanted and sent to work. The only things that are clear is that the Earth is in trouble, there was a war in space, Olga works harder at the age of twelve than most people do in their thirties and that she is seen as a tool by those who employ her. There is mention of a resistance group that would help her achieve freedom, but when her very life is threatened there is no sign of this group. Perhaps these are all things that will be explored in future installments.

If you can manage to ignore the few shortfalls of this novel, most readers who love a good science-fiction piece will enjoy the adventures of Olga in Grond: The High Raven: Grond Book 1 by Yuri Hamaganov. The tidy epilogue at the end sparks curiosity in the reader and the sneak peek at the next installment will have most readers looking forward to book two.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Book Reviews, 0 comments

Book Reviews

So I’m going to be writing book reviews and posting them on my site soon.

I’ve created a special section for them so that you guys can navigate accordingly.

I’m in the process of reading the first book that I’ll write a review of.

It’s pretty exciting! I’m going to play around with my themes too and see if I can do something fun.

Anyway, look forward to it!

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Book Reviews, 0 comments

Hard Times – Paramore

 

All that I want
Is to wake up fine
Tell me that I’m alright
That I ain’t gonna die
All that I want
Is a hole in the ground
You can tell me when it’s alright
For me to come out

gonna make you wonder why you even try
(Hard times) gonna take you down and laugh when you cry
(These lives) and I still don’t know how I even survive
(Hard times)
(Hard times)
And I gotta get to rock bottom

Walking around
My little rain cloud
Hanging over my head
And it ain’t coming down
Where do I go?
Gimme some sort of sign
You hit me with lightning!
Maybe I’ll come alive

gonna make you wonder why you even try
(Hard times) gonna take you down and laugh when you cry
(These lives) and I still don’t know how I even survive
(Hard times)
(Hard times)
And I gotta head to rock bottom

Tell my friends I’m coming down
We’ll kick it when I hit the ground
Tell my friends I’m coming down
We’ll kick it when I hit the ground
When I hit the ground
When I hit the ground
When I hit the ground
When I hit the ground

gonna make you wonder why you even try
(Hard times) gonna take you down and laugh when you cry
(These lives) and I still don’t know how I even survive
(Hard times) (hard times)
(Hard times) (hard times)

gonna make you wonder why you even try
(Hard times) gonna take you down and laugh when you cry
(These lives) and I still don’t know how I even survive
(Hard times) (hard times)
(Hard times)

And I gotta get to rock bottom!

-Lyrics from Google Play Music

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Heavy – Linkin Park Ft. Kiiara

[Verse 1: Chester Bennington]
I don’t like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there’s comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me
Yeah, I drive myself crazy
‘Cause I can’t escape the gravity

[Chorus: Chester Bennington & Kiiara]
I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?

[Verse 2: Kiiara]
You say that I’m paranoid
But I’m pretty sure the world is out to get me
It’s not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same

 – Lyrics from Genius

 

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Mindful Musings #220

She looks out the window

At the world as it passes by.

She extends her hand

But she cannot reach the life beyond her fingertips.

She is drowning.

She is being buried alive.

She is losing herself to the whirl of her reality.

She must continue to give all of herself

While retaining only a little of herself.

Take that fragment

Hold it close.

Cup that ember

In the palm of outstretched hands.

Softly, carefully, protect that ember

From the buffeting waves of life.

When the storm dies down

And the agony abates

Feed that ember

Until it bursts into the flame of who

She used to be.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Musings, 0 comments

Mindful Musings #218

mindful-musings

Feeling trapped.

Fingers numb from clawing

Lungs burning from lack of oxygen.

All within a prison made of glass.

Now the water rises.

Slowly, carefully

Swallowing from the bottom up.

Trembling from fear

Gives way to sweet defeat.

Exhaustion envelops like a blanket.

Soothing the pain.

Covering the wounds.

Darkness descends

And there is only black.

 

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Musings, 0 comments
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