I am not a confident person.
I am constantly looking for validation for my existence: for me to be where I am. I have lived a life where my existence was not wanted by those who should want it. By those who worked to create it.
And so I was denied.
Because I lack confidence I don’t do too much to stand out. I think my loud voice and over-boisterous behaviour tries to compensate for the fact that I am small inside.
I have recently made a big change to my hair. This may seem like a small, trivial thing to some. For me, it is a big deal. It’s not complete quite yet, as there is still another colour treatment to go through, but it is still far different than anything I have done in a very, very long time. I’m talking at least a decade.
So I’m a bit nervous and excited all in one to have it done. It’s not something I can really hide, like my tattoos. It’s out there and it’s what people will recognize me by.
This proves to be an interesting time. The true challenge lies in how long I will keep it up until I just colour it back to brown and go about like I always do.
For now, I will take solace in the fact that the biggest reaction I received was the BSP saying, quite loudly mind you, “Who ARE you?!”
That’s a winning reaction 🙂