Welcomed Alone Time

I don’t usually do well when I’m alone for extended periods. A lot of that can be contributed to my childhood and the fact that I never used to be comfortable being alone. I always used to feel like if I was alone, especially if I wasn’t doing anything, then I was somehow failing at life.

Lo and behold on this fine day, I find myself alone. My children had been sent off to their grandparents for the night and after a wonderful date-day with my husband, he had to work today.

That meant when I woke up, there was no one in the house but myself and the dog. In the past, that would have sent me into a panic. I would have aggressively done some chores or purged my closet or something else. I would have done everything in my power to keep myself busy. I sort of did that today, but at the same time I went at my own pace and took my time.

I lazily got up, wrote a book review that was due, puttered around my house. I collected the laundry, threw on some clothes and pulled my hair up, and went to the mall.

Sometimes I really like shopping by myself. I can dither wherever I want, go to whatever store I want and take as much, or as little, time as I want. Today I did that. I went to the mall I like (because it’s not usually as busy and it’s clean and bright) and I went into stores I don’t normally go into. In the first store I bought my kids so many things! Mostly t-shirts with fun pictures. I really like getting them things like that so it can help show their personalities. I ended up wandering and buying enough to make my arms and back hurt from carrying the bags! That makes me laugh a lot as I usually talk myself out of buying, especially for myself. I grabbed my favourite Starbucks and came home.

It’s a bit harder to relax at home. I’ve already got a load of laundry going with what feels like a million more waiting. I’m sitting here, writing this, and trying to think of other things to do. I might have a bath, give myself some much needed TLC for my skin. I might also just sit on the couch and binge my latest drama.

The thing is, I can do whatever I want. It’s weird to have that kind of freedom because I have spent so much time struggling to survive.

But I don’t have to survive today. I can live.

I don’t have to worry about not accomplishing something or that someone is going to be mad at me when they get home. I don’t have to worry about ensuring that someone else is fed, happy and comfortable.

I can tune out the world outside my home. I can ignore the malicious comments that needle their way onto my blog. I can dismiss the troubled times my country is going through. I can focus on myself and my needs. I can blast Journey and Rick Astley with a little bit of Korean and Japanese pop/rock music as loud as I want and sing as loud (and probably badly) as I want.

Today is about me. It’s about enjoying my peace and enjoying myself.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, there is a rum and coke calling my name along with a piping hot bath.

Take care of yourself, friends, whenever you can.

Posted by Sarah Jayne

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