30 years old

30 Until I'm 30!

Well, it’s off by a few days now, but yeah, I’m going to be thirty years old on October 1st (because I’m number 1! [Sorry. I always do that…..]).

I’m actually really excited to turn 30. I know a few of my friends have had borderline meltdowns because they were turning 30 and they just couldn’t believe it. They felt so old, felt like they hadn’t done anything with their lives etc.

While I may feel the same way on a few of those sentiments, I just think it’s awesome to be able to say that I’ve been alive for three decades. DECADES! That’s a long-ass time you know.

Sure, there are a lot of things I wish I had done already. I wish I had completed school, I wish I had had my family earlier and met my husband earlier, but there are a lot of things I can’t change.

Being pregnant at the age of 30 is something I NEVER thought would happen.

As I may have mentioned before, prior to meeting my husband I had decided that I was never going to have children. The person I was with post-high school and through University was not exactly parent material and due to a lot of issues that I had (some I still have) in regards to my own family had me feeling that I would not be adequate in bringing a life into this world and then caring for it.

But as we meet people our lives change, right? I met my husband at the age of 25 and we were married shortly after and got pregnant with our first child extremely shortly after that. I was totally fine with one kid. Sure, with one, you only have to focus on that one little life and their needs and wants. They had zero competition for your love and you don’t have to worry about spreading yourself too thin, comparing your children all the time and maybe inadvertently picking favourites.

After some discussion, we agreed on one more child. Really, it was my husband that wanted another child. He mentioned how he had always seen himself with at least two. It took me a bit to get used to the idea, but I ended up agreeing and we started trying.

And that’s where we initially hit our roadblock. Due to unforeseen problems with work and medical issues I didn’t think we were ever going to have that second child. We talked a lot about it and he too eventually came to terms with the fact that we might have just one. Seeing the cost of raising children, it wasn’t that had to come to terms with that.

After we figured out I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome which causes my hormones to be insane and make it difficult to conceive, I went on medication and we kept trying. I had wanted to be pregnant by January of 2013 so that my child could be born in October which is my month of birth as my son is born in May, which is my husband’s birth-month. It didn’t happen and I could feel time running out.

We had decided to try until I turned 30. I have nothing against women who have children later in their lives, but it’s not for me. I already felt old when I had my son the year I turned 27. My parents were in their extremely early 20’s when I was born so that probably has a lot to do with it. Growing up, the parents of my friends were about the same age as my parents as well. I didn’t want to be 35 and having my child. I felt that would be too many years between the two of them, plus I didn’t want to be ‘old’ when my kids hit their 20’s.

And then, it happened. We managed to get pregnant without seeing a fertility specialist and I’m due to have my final bundle of joy in November of this year. As I write this, I feel as big as a house and I hate that my back hurts and that my clothes don’t fit and that EVERYTHING makes me uncomfortable, but that’s all a part of being pregnant. This is definitely the last time I’m doing this because a) we can’t afford to have more than two children. Really. We can’t. Kids are expensive and I don’t want to bring a child into this world if I’m not confident we can provide a good life for them and b) I am sooooooo getting my tubes tied. Or obliterated. Maybe shredded. Whatever they can do to make sure we don’t accidentally have any additional children. I’ve been told I might need to have another c-section with this child as I had one with my first so I see a specialist next week. I’ll talk it over with them, because I am so not keen on staying in the hospital for three days again. I HATED IT the first time. I don’t want people visiting, I feel gross and the beds are just not up to snuff. I’d rather be at home in my own bed recovering from major surgery like that. Buuuuuut I don’t think my opinion matters too much on that 😛

As I look back on my life as I approach this milestone of turning 30 I am excited for the white hairs on my head and I am looking forward to shouting at people that I am 30 years old so I am allowed to be married with children and NO it’s NOT my fault I look like I’m 12.


Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments