abuse

Runaway Train – 1993

Soul+Asylum+Runaway+Train+500868

“Call you up in the middle of the night
like a firefly without a light
you were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
so tired that I couldn’t even sleep
so many secrets I couldn’t keep
promised myself I wouldn’t weep
one more promise I couldn’t keep

It seems no one can help me now
I’m in too deep
there’s no way out
this time I have really lead myself astray

Runaway train, never goin’ back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like I should be getting somewhere
somehow I’m neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
make it somehow all seem worthwhile
how on earth did I get so jaded?
life’s mysteries seem so faded
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
here i am just drownin’ in the rain
with a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dry
day and night
earth and sky
somehow I just don’t believe it

Runaway train, never goin’ back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like I should be getting somewhere
somehow I’m neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
like a madman laughing at the rain
little out of touch, little insane
it’s just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train, never goin’ back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like I should be getting somewhere
somehow I’m neither here nor there

Runaway train, never comin’ back
runaway train, tearin’ up the track
runaway train, burnin’ in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same”

–  Soul Asylum, 1993

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Is This Freedom?

I feel I owe  you all a bit of an explanation.

Lately, my biological mother has found my corner of the internet. I’ve had this site for almost 3 years and she recently found me through my author page on Facebook.

My mother and I haven’t always had a terrible relationship. She is my mother, after all. I feel as though at one point she was  happy of that fact. Regardless of what she chooses to believe, things went sour in my early teens and they’ve never recovered.

The past week and a half I have been dealing with her sending horrible comments on my site. I banned her from my Facebook page and it looks like she finally stopped liking it. You can remove likes, by the way. It became a daily thing. This morning, she has not re-liked my page, and I feel a sensation of relief wash over me.

This whole situation has had me on edge. In one comment she is railing against me; calling me a liar, telling me that she is going to report me (to who and for what, I’m not sure). Then she comments that she’ll be driving through my province and wants to know if I want a visit.

These are all classic signs of abuse. I want people to realize that not all parents love their children; not all parents treat their children well. I have spent years of my life being afraid of her; afraid of her moods and her actions. Did she beat me? Not physically. We did have a few physical fights but it’s not like I was bruised. It’s the mental and emotional abuse that is far stronger and more difficult to overcome. I haven’t lived with her since I was 18 and I still have issues getting over all of it.

I want you, my readers, to be aware of the signs of abuse. This infographic was borrowed from the following site: MAHENDRA KUMAR TRIVEDI : TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE WITH THE SCIENCE OF MIRACLES

warning-signs-of-abusive-relationships

While this infographic refers to romantic relationships, all of these points are valid for child/parent relationships as well. The only point my mother didn’t do on a regular basis was controlling who I met and some of my social activity. Every single other point is spot on for how I grew up. Even now, 14 years later, she is still doing these things. I did not allow her comments through because they were extremely hurtful, bordered on harassment, and let’s face it: this is the internet. I didn’t want to start a war.

I am hoping this is the last post I have to write about this. I don’t want to spend any more energy on her negativity and I want to be able to get back into writing about my family and my newest WIP, TAK.

Thank you for sticking with me. Sorry it’s been a bit weird. This may be freedom. I am going to take it!

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments