change

Changes Keep On Rolling

I am not a confident person.

I am constantly looking for validation for my existence: for me to be where I am. I have lived a life where my existence was not wanted by those who should want it. By those who worked to create it.

And so I was denied.

Because I lack confidence I don’t do too much to stand out. I think my loud voice and over-boisterous behaviour tries to compensate for the fact that I am small inside.

I have recently made a big change to my hair. This may seem like a small, trivial thing to some. For me, it is a big deal. It’s not complete quite yet, as there is still another colour treatment to go through, but it is still far different than anything I have done in a very, very long time. I’m talking at least a decade.

So I’m a bit nervous and excited all in one to have it done. It’s not something I can really hide, like my tattoos. It’s out there and it’s what people will recognize me by.

This proves to be an interesting time. The true challenge lies in how long I will keep it up until I just colour it back to brown and go about like I always do.

For now, I will take solace in the fact that the biggest reaction I received was the BSP saying, quite loudly mind you, “Who ARE you?!”

That’s a winning reaction 🙂

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 1 comment

Creating 'My' Space

As many of you know, I have a room in my house that has been designated as the office/spare room. I haven’t been able to get into this room and do some writing in what feels like a year. There are a lot of reasons for this: the room has become a catch-all of junk, the desk is not really electronic-friendly, the bed is enormous, the filing cabinet is cluttered and not organized and finally; my laptop is so close to biting the dust I’m apprehensive about doing anything on it.

I had been writing TAK on my tablet, but for some reason the file is no longer accessible from the SD card. I am able to access other files, but TAK itself is inaccessible. This worries me. I am 98% certain that I backed up the last things I had written to the laptop, but you can see my dilemma right? If I haven’t, there is a lot of writing to do. If I have a lot of writing to do I want to do it at once or at least in sequence. To do that I need a place to do it because really, my kids are not going to let me write anything sitting on the couch.

There are plans to revamp the office. First, it needs a coat of paint. Second, the artwork that is in there needs to be changed. I have a giant picture of Picadilly Circus from an aerial view with the double-decker buses being the only things of colour. Nice and bright red. It is a picture from Ikea that I’ve had for almost  8 years now. I think it’s okay to retire it. I would very much like to retire it. I had been painting myself and maybe those pieces would find place in our office. I also want to reconfigure the layout.

I’ve been on the hunt for a desk I like and a pull-out loveseat-bed or sofa-bed that will suit the room. Environment is very important when writing for me. I need to be comfortable in my space or nothing happens. I’d also like a damn chair mat for under the desk! One day, I will get all these things.

For now, I jot down ideas as they come to me in a book I have and I write the shorts you’ve been reading on  here. Just something to keep me immersed in that world. I can’t forget Brexton, Aldric or Edessa. I need to be ready to deal with Vaughn, Evaristus and Airi. I might write up a character profile and start sharing those with you guys. Is that interesting at all? Let me know!

Until then, happy day!

Happy-Day-Cup-of-Coffee

Posted by Sarah Jayne in My Book Stuff, Rantings, 0 comments