childhood

Mindful Musings #175

Mindful Musings

You’re growing up, child.

Your hand slips away from mine

And your loud, boisterous voice

Carries you away.

Every day, every year

You become more of a person

Than when you were the tiny bundle

That would only sleep in my arms.

Bittersweet emotions wash over me

As the joy of watching you grow up

Mingles with the sadness of you leaving.

We’ve still got many years ahead

Of embarrassing Mum episodes

And teenage rebellion.

I’ll cherish these moments

When I’m still your number one.

 

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Musings, 0 comments

Mindful Musings #60

Mindful Musings

Grade six

School yard taunts.

Children are horrible human beings

Who learn their behaviour from their parents.

Skinny dead bones! Skinny dead bones!

The cries are loud and I am compelled to respond.

Skinny dead bones! Skinny dead bones! 

This has become my name.

The taunts and jeers drown out my thoughts.

All those  years ago,

Yet I still remember.

I remember it as if I had been branded.

Skinny dead bones! Skinny dead bones!

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Mindful Musings #34

Mindful Musings

I don’t want to be afraid any more.

I’ve spent my whole life living in fear of you.

Of what you say.

Of what you don’t say.

I fear your existence and how it wraps with mine.

I fear your voice that seems to follow me everywhere.

I don’t want to be afraid any more.

I don’t want to hold on;

Hoping for something that will never be.

It will never be.

We will never be.

Our relationship no longer holds power.

You hold no power.

I’m letting go now.

I hate you

But I forgive you.

I’m sorry you couldn’t love me.

I’m sorry you won’t know who I have become.

I’m sorry you bore me

Some thirty-two years ago.

I don’t want to be afraid any more.

So I won’t.

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Runaway Train – 1993

Soul+Asylum+Runaway+Train+500868

“Call you up in the middle of the night
like a firefly without a light
you were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
so tired that I couldn’t even sleep
so many secrets I couldn’t keep
promised myself I wouldn’t weep
one more promise I couldn’t keep

It seems no one can help me now
I’m in too deep
there’s no way out
this time I have really lead myself astray

Runaway train, never goin’ back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like I should be getting somewhere
somehow I’m neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
make it somehow all seem worthwhile
how on earth did I get so jaded?
life’s mysteries seem so faded
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
here i am just drownin’ in the rain
with a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dry
day and night
earth and sky
somehow I just don’t believe it

Runaway train, never goin’ back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like I should be getting somewhere
somehow I’m neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
like a madman laughing at the rain
little out of touch, little insane
it’s just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train, never goin’ back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like I should be getting somewhere
somehow I’m neither here nor there

Runaway train, never comin’ back
runaway train, tearin’ up the track
runaway train, burnin’ in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same”

–  Soul Asylum, 1993

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments