inspiration

Lunatic Ravings

So I started writing a short of Raelin and Sharlot, relatively main characters from TAK. I got to page 8 when I had to stop. I’ve been drinking tonight and I get fairly needy/philosophical/cracked out when that happens so I fear the story has taken a direction I didn’t intend. I know up to page 5 is good to go because I wrote that before I went out with my coworkers, the Brain Twin and the BSP.

As I sit here in my hotel room, thinking out loud and singing along to the song I have on repeat I start to wonder a lot of things. Have you ever talked to yourself? Like outloud? And listened to the response? I talk to myself quite regularly and there are times when I surprise even myself. Right now my out-loud-thoughts are:

I want a cigarette like no one’s business.

Why the hell do I want a smoke now after all these years?

Shit, I need to get some sleep.

Can’t I write better than this? Maybe 6 drinks was too much.

Do I really have to function tomorrow?

I totally just want to run away to that cabin in Jasper. 

I have too many tattoo ideas and not enough skin.

I wonder what they really think of me. No wait, no I don’t. I don’t want to know.

Amaretto tastes really good.

So I’ve got all of this bouncing around right now. I’ve got to be up in five hours so maybe I’ll try to get some semblance of that which is called sleep. I think I can do it. I generally funciotn on far less. Perhaps it is time to turn the lights out and get this intoxicated ass to bed.

Plus side? I’m 99% sure I didn’t embarass myself this time 😉

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

It's About To Rain Here

Just a reminder to all the souls out there spread across the world and the universe:

You are you.

No one can take credit for creating who you are today. They may have contributed, maybe they got you started, but you did the hard work of creating your life.

Love who you want to love.

Be kind to each other. Be kind to yourself.

Forgiveness is hard, but anger and resentment are harder.

You don’t have to force yourself to love or like anyone; even if they are your family.

People will love you and hate you for their own reasons.

It’s never going to be easy, and that’s okay. Work at your own pace.

Love you for you. Find the things that give you joy. Embrace them.

And finally,

Be your definition of awesome. All the time.

level up

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 6 comments

Be The Young

When-Youre-Through-Thinking-Say-Yes

Photo from http://yellowcardrock.com/music

I made these wishes with you

Went coast to coast
And we both felt so alive
We traded safe for something
We just had to be
And we almost lost our minds

But we’re still here searching

This is loud
This is cold
This is endless
And I know
Growing up has just begun
But there’s a place we can find
Where this pain is useless
And we’ll forever be the young

Summer came and flew by
Twice as fast
It was close enough to feel
And after all this waiting
For skies to fall
I need this to be real

Please let it be real

This is loud
This is cold
This is endless
And I know
Growing up has just begun
But there’s a place we can find
Where this pain is useless
And we’ll forever be the young

Where I was broken, I have healed
I learned to fight, I learned to feel
And I can’t believe my eyes
You are still here next to me
All I need, you’re all I see
In this life we hoped to find

This is loud
This is cold
This is endless
And I know
Growing up has just begun
But there’s a place we can find
Where this pain is useless
And we’ll forever be the young

Be The Young, Yellowcard

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

The Haunting Past

I’ve noticed a trend in the books/stories I write.

More often than not, my leading characters have some sort of sordid past that they are trying to escape from. A past that they are trying to claw out of in order to define themselves. More often my leading, and some supporting, characters have issues they have been working on since childhood and most of them are the cause of adults treating them unfairly in some way. Their pasts are mostly brutal and make other uncomfortable knowing about them, but I have a hard time shying away from that.

I watched a TED talk by Nadine Burke Harris about how childhood trauma can affect people even when they are adults.

You can watch the talk here: Nadine Burke Harris TED Talk

I had a pretty rough childhood. Was it as bad as many people out there? Probably not. I saw my share of family violence and withstood my share of abuse growing up. I realize a lot of the decisions I made when I was younger are shaped by the environment I grew up in. I am working on not transmitting that environment to my children and so far it is going good.

But as a writer, and I’m sure many can attest to this, I cling to those emotions. When I write and my characters go through something similar to what I went through I think I do it as some form of self-therapy. But even so remembering those emotions and those situations is hard and it’s easy to get depressed.

Our past will haunt us and while it may seem like it’s difficult to overcome them it’s important to understand that you don’t need to deny that these things happened. You don’t need to walk around pretending that you’re perfect and that your life has and always will be perfect. We are people, and we need to remember that that’s okay. It’s okay to be human.

Here's a cute frog to help you along.

Here’s a cute frog to help you along.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

I Entered a Contest! Weeee!

Hey guys! I entered a contest through Inkitt! Here you can find the link to my two submissions. I need votes in order to win! Please read and if it strikes your fancy, vote!

http://www.inkitt.com/stories/12258

http://www.inkitt.com/stories/12247

I’ve never done this before so I’m pretty excited! Especially since I was invited to give a submission. Made me feel special 😀

 

Posted by Sarah Jayne in My Book Stuff, 0 comments

Hello Tuesday!

With my Day Job I get to be on Television! Did I tell you that before?

It’s local cable and it’s basically me sitting and talking to people about what is happening around my fair little city and how it relates to/why it is important for immigrants to Canada.

Today is only my second screening because I was sick last week :'( I was so sad, but I was also dying and it’s better not to spread my evil germs across the planet. I’ve done that enough by procreating.

I’m hoping to find some quiet time to get back to work on TAK. I feel like Brexton and Aldric must be mad at me since I’ve abandoned them for so long. While I did post some shorts in the past few months, none of them have included my two leads from the actual book. Part of that is because I have yet to separate what is important for the main story and what would be classified as just extra information.

A lot of the shorts I’ve posted are to give some back story to not-quite-main-but-important characters in the book. There were about 3 stories posted about The Charlatan and two that included his Nurse/Aide Kokoro. While both of these characters will show up in TAK I felt it might be better to include their back stories in a separate format as I don’t want to use the entire book to explain how each person met up with each other. There will be brief mention of it in the main story to explain the context and such, but not as much detail as the side stories.

This is also true of the story I wrote which centralizes on Project: Ghost. Gideon, who is a fairly important character, is given much more back story. Of course, all the stories I have posted are drafts and rather far from being perfected. My idea is that after I FINALLY finish TAK and publish it, I will finish writing and compiling the short stories and publish that separately like a companion book or whatever.

Sounds pretty damn fancy right?

I am almost jealous of myself!

Now some one find me some extra hours in a month so I can get on this.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in My Book Stuff, 0 comments

The Road to Recovery

No, I am not talking about addiction.

My household suffered a horrific sweep of a stomach virus this past week.

Like, horrific. My kids, myself, my husband. Now my husband is complaining that he has a cold as well.

I lost basically a whole week of work which means a whole week of money. I’m still on probation at this job so no sick days and the like for me.

Being so sick and sitting around doing nothing has not been good for my personal mental health. I am feeling so stuck, so aimless. At this age I thought I would be in my career already but I’m still finding odd jobs to fill the gaps. I’d like to go back to school but right now my education is not a priority. I know it’s never too late to go back to school and blah blah blah but I still feel pretty meh about my current situation.

I like my new job, so far, but it’s not as intriguing as I wanted it to be. Maybe I’m detaching because there’s a strong possibility I’ll have to find a new job in a year anyway or maybe it just really isn’t as awesome as I wanted.

Maybe my expectations are too high.

This mood does NOT help in terms of writing and I am so overrun and overwhelmed by life that I am having a really hard time slowing down and just doing something I like.

I also need a haircut.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 2 comments