Bye-bye Assholes

So I’ve changed a few things on the site. Not really, but some. Just some small text that most people probably didn’t even know existed.

Since I’ve changed my hosting I haven’t been receiving any harassing comments! I don’t know if this is because these people are just tired and bored and moved on to something more exciting that tearing down my very existence, or if they just haven’t checked what I’m up to. Which is fine by me.

Things were getting pretty bad there for a bit in the Summer/Fall. I’ve been under quite a bit of stress due to school and family matters. It was nice to get a reprieve from assholes, even if it was just for a bit. Now that I’ve typed this I know they’re going to come back and harass me. Part of me wants them to. Like, fuck you, go ahead. Bring it on! But then I remember how awful I feel about myself after they do and realize how fragile I am and I don’t want them to bug me.


Like, I’m a delicate, effing flower, okay? Just stop stomping the shit out of me already! I don’t even know why you get such fun and glee out of this.

And then I’m reminded of all my failings and short-coming and it makes me go crazy!

Drastic Shift In Conversation

This weekend we’ve got an interview with a potential babysitter and I’ve got two others lined up. Because I like going out with my husband without the kids. Because I have tickets to a concert and he wants to come since my friend bailed. Because we just deserve a damn break. So I have to interview strangers. That’s what happens when you live in a small town that thinks it’s a big town and you don’t know anyone.

Hopefully it works out because BREAK TIME!

Now I’ve got to do some homework for my statistics class and try not to cry too hard because: STATS is SATAN.


Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Did Someone Order a Headless Chicken?

It’s been far too long since I just wrote a post about myself. I’ve been keeping up with the mindful musings but I haven’t had time to talk about me.

I’m sure you’ve all suspected that TAK has fallen by the wayside again. Indeed, it has. I’ve been quite stuck with it and have been considering rewriting the last few chapters I wrote previously as they just weren’t inspiring me.

Well, on to the life update!

I currently have two jobs. I’m a casual Crisis Counsellor at the women’s shelter where I live. Since I have personal experience with domestic abuse on various levels and I have this desire to help others I wanted to get out there and do more. Also, my husband is in his last year of school and after the debacle with him working last year it was agreed that I would be the one to have a second job.

The busy-ness doesn’t stop there! I have two freelance clients I do odd work for now and then for pocket change. It’s not much, but $20 here and there does add up and can make quite a dent on the credit card.

I am also taking two courses through Memorial University this term. Looking at the weight of the courses I should have only signed up for one but it’s too late now. I’ll work my hardest to get good grades to hopefully increase the chances of getting into my MEd program.

And then there’s the children, Spawn and Hatchling. Spawn has definitely had some behaviour issues that were really excessive in the last few years. It got bad enough in the last six months that I took him for an intake session for behaviour. Now I’m waiting to get a full assessment so I can hopefully figure out how to help him. While we wait, we’re actively going to the Y twice a week. Spawn is involved in 2 programs and I work out on the machines while he participates. I’ve realized, too late, that I have forgotten my iPod at home, however, so  I’m a tad upset about it.

It’s been a bit hard, emotionally, as well. It was my grandmother’s birthday at the beginning of the month and I’ve been getting actively harassed by losers who won’t leave me alone. It seems that ignoring them won’t work and I’d rather not engage their destructive behaviour.

Open to thoughts on that. What have you done to banish ne’er dowells back into the darkness?


Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 5 comments

A Day in the Life

It’s been one of those days where I can’t wait for it to be over, and yet I feel like there isn’t enough time left in the day.

Some news, since I’ve been absent, is that I have a second job! This is on top of the free-lance writing I do, which has gotten me another client. I also work in a casual capacity as a Crisis Counsellor at my local women’s shelter. It’s been a learning experience, that’s for sure, but I’ve been able to use past experience when working with our clients.

Between the, four, jobs I have I am also starting two classes this term. These are prerequisite courses for the Masters in Education in Counselling Psychology that I hope to get into when I’m done. I have 5 courses in total so after these 2 I’ll have 3 left. It doesn’t look like I have any exams, yet, so that makes me happy.

The husband is starting his final year of college this fall as well. Our eldest is going to be in grade 1 and our youngest will be 3. It’s a bit crazy at my place right now.

Because it’s crazy, and I honestly have no other excuse, I haven’t touched TAK in months. When I get home from one of my jobs all I want to do is lay on the couch and veg. I don’t want to sit at a desk or with my tablet on my lap and attempt to flesh out more of TAK. It’s a horrible feeling; knowing that there’s this story inside that I can’t do anything about.

Also, not that you can tell, but I’m having a massive issue typing today. I have hit the backspace key so many times! What the hell! I’ve trimmed my nails so that’s not the issue. But honestly, it’s getting irritating.

Things are going well, otherwise. I took my eldest to see the Weird Al concert when it came through my province this summer. My husband took a few days off work and we made a family trip out of it. We went to a children’s museum and the zoo. Went to the park. My in-laws came out on the second day and we all went to the zoo together. It was fun! My eldest had HUGE attitude issues, though. But we’re also working on that.

He’s all registered for 2 programs at the local YMCA that will hopefully help with all the energy he’s got. He’s exhausting. But cute. I think I’ll keep him.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Mindful Musings #68

Mindful Musings

The inky darkness is disturbed by your cry.

Roused from my sleep I wander

Half-awake into your room.

Your cries of unhappiness ring in my ears.

What could it be this time?

A change? You’ve lost your blanket? A bad dream?

Whatever the reason I will attend to you.

Return you to your cozy dreamland

Before staggering back to mine.

When the morning comes

Your bright, clear eyes

Will shine your happiness

While mine betray my sleepiness.

But I could never be mad.

You’re still so tiny, you need me so much.



Don’t grow up too fast.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Musings, 0 comments

One Step Forward

It’s been pretty rough in my neck of the woods lately. Money issues have been the biggest bane of my existence but it seems these problems are getting organized now.

Things they don’t tell you about having a family: it’s goddamn expensive. Oh, that’s common knowledge? Is it really? I can’t say I was expecting to be paying over $1000 a month for someone to look after my children so that I could work. I can’t say I was expecting diapers to cost almost $40 a box with wipes not that far behind. I can’t say I was expecting my kids to go through phases where all they want to eat is cereal or yogurt. Did you know that the individual yogurts that are aimed at kids are almost $4 for 6 of them? I’ve tried buying the big tubs of flavoured yogurt to save some bucks since they eat it so much but the eldest freaks out over the bits of fruit in his.


This is my life and these are my kids. I am complaining, but there’s not much that can be done right now. We’re currently a majorly single-family income since my husband is in school full time. The youngest needs full time care and the eldest will be in grade 1 in 8 months so the costs for his care will lessen. There’s a lot of pressure put on families. All kinds of families. Sometimes it can be unbearable but we soldier through.

The sleepless nights because you worry something is wrong with your kids or where the grocery money is going to come from.

But as I said, things are getting better. Yesterday my dayhome was closed because my poor dayhome provider was sick. We’ve been with her for almost a year and this is the first time she’s taken a sick day. She clearly needed it. So I tried to enjoy some time with my littlest guy while trying to do some work. The work thing didn’t work out so well and then he decided he wanted nothing to do with me. I hate this phase. I’m the kind of mum that wants the hugs and the cuddles forever.

The days go by and I can only take them one step at a time. It is not good to run, especially when you don’t know the terrain. I don’t want to fall on my face. I do that enough as it is.

In reducing costs I’m going to stop going to kickboxing. With my husbands work schedule I’m paying for classes and I’m not able to attend. I’m considering purchasing a 10 class pass once that money comes in since I got brand new gloves that I love for Christmas. I will still use them, even if I just do it on my own at home. I could get a heavy bag and do my own classes. It’s still a work out. I know what I’m doing now so that helps.

Once the money comes in I need to go to yoga. Since it’s going to cost a bit extra than the gift I was given for this particular studio I’ve been waiting for the moolah before I attend a class.

I’ve also been looking into the different volunteering options for when I am ready/able to get back into that.

But like I said, one step at a time.

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy being serenaded by my husbands horrible rendition of “Bad Blood” (which, in my opinion, is a terrible song anyway)

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments


Happy Monday everyone!

Does anyone dislike Mondays as much as I do? I wouldn’t say I hate them because there are some Mondays that I actually enjoy. Like the first Monday in a vacation. Or a Monday where a movie or game comes out. Mostly though, I hate Mondays.

My kids have been little energy suckers this weekend. My eldest was pretty funny though. He said some funny things. His gems include: “Grampy is 20 30 THOUSAND years old and he is so big he became a giant and if he is not careful he will crush us.” Another really good one is: “You guys! I TOLD you! Everything is not real!” (Pretty deep for a 5 year old). My personal favourite is: “You’re so great. I’m so proud of you! You’re a genius!” which is what I was told while receiving a great big hug because I told him he could have a cookie.

He really seemed to be on a roll this weekend, that’s for sure. He says most of these things with the most serious face I’ve ever seen on a kid.

While his younger brother isn’t spouting profound statements, he’s causing trouble in his own way. For some reason, this kid likes to strip his pants and his diaper off when he’s in bed. The shirt usually stays on, but he’ll be nekkid from the waist down. And since he doesn’t have mastery over his bladder at 2 years old, this causes him to wake up screaming once he realizes he’s peed his bed. We had things under control for a bit by sticking him in this old onesie we had that is footless. The thing is way too small but his legs and arms could stick out so things were fine. It was done up with a zipper and he hadn’t touched it for a few weeks. Well, of course, the other day he unzipped it, and while it was still on him, ripped off the diaper and tossed it over the side of the crib.

I am grateful that the diapers are empty when he tosses them and that he’s just peeing everywhere instead of something else. But come on! Keep your damn clothes on, kid! WE put his diaper on backwards on Friday and things seemed to be okay. My husband went off to work and *BAM* at 9:00pm the little sucker started screaming because he was wet and naked. The poor little guy. I went into his room and stripped him down. I brought him upstairs to give him a warm sponge bath since I didn’t want to wake him up too much by running the tub. Got him back into some clothes and thought I would rock with him in his chair until he fell asleep before I put him to bed. We rocked for about half an hour before I decided I was also tired and sleeping in that chair wasn’t going to do my any favours. So I took him to my bed and that’s where my husband found us when he came home from work. Aaaaaand my kid was wide awake. Needless to say, it was not a fun night.

We also tried taping his diaper on with electrical tape on Saturday night. He still managed to rip the diaper off. Putting the onesie on backwards was not an option because the collar was too tight. So last night we put the diaper on backwards and used packing tape to cover the tabs and the seams. While he was pantless this morning, HE HAD HIS DIAPER ON! Mission accomplished. For the time being.

In other news, we’re still waiting on the payout. It didn’t come on Friday like I was really hoping to. My tablet has also decided that connecting to the wi-fi and GMail is optional which is really annoying.

I also watched the music video for “Turn Down For What”. Watch it. But not at work.


Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Sick Kids: The Struggle is Real

My eldest is home sick today. It started yesterday when he was sent home early with an upset stomach. Poor kid was so warm and went to bed super early. I mean, like, 6:30. That’s early for him. He usually doesn’t start going to bed until 7.

This morning he was very warm, very out of it. He has been chilling on the couch while we watch his favourite television show (that I really can’t stand right now). He seemed to be getting better. Gave him some Advil to alleviate the potential fever. He was on fire, the poor little guy.

I can tell he’s feeling better though. He’s started getting lippy and he’s yelling at me right now. I put on something different while I work on my freelance articles.

He just broke down into tears which is a major sign that he needs to have a nap. I’ve changed the television to a show I like, that he doesn’t. This at least takes his attention off the glowing box. He’s retreated to this playroom and I am not turning the television on. I’ve told him he can play with toys but I would rather he nap. He’s heaving sighs and is acting like his world is over.

How come kids don’t like napping?! Napping is the best. I can only wait until he’s a teenager and all he wants to do is sleep.

My husband hasn’t been feeling too great in the last bit either. Hopefully it’s nothing too big for him. He’s got work this weekend.

The only thing I get tired about is the arguments when the kids are sick. The kids argue; when we’re sick our patience all but disappears. Things will get better. This year has been really rough on us but things are looking up. My husband is doing well at school, I’ve got a really good job. The house needs a bit of a face-lift to make it feel more like home, but that’s alright. We can get there.

We’re fighters, so things will work out. We just complain a helluvalot while we’re trying to get things moving.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Things I Tell My Kids

Every parent has weird or funny things they tell their kids.

My eldest is 5.5 years old and I want to encourage his imagination and wonder. I routinely tell him things happen by magic or that the house talks. He’s on to me already but his imagination comes out while he plays. I try not to go too crazy because I don’t want him to be at a disadvantage at school. He went through a phase when Vader, Kirby, Mario and Luigi were invisible friends at our house. It was pretty fun. He knows that Mum doesn’t like ‘Jerks’ so when he gets into a ‘jerk’ attitude we talk about how that attitude is not good. He also went through a phase where he didn’t want to eat lunch. No matter what we did he didn’t want to eat. I finally got him to eat food by telling him he would die if he didn’t. Before you all freak out I know that’s extreme but desperate times called for desperate measures. It’s not a lie, but it would take time. We’ve talked about the realities of death and he is fortunate enough to not have lost a family member, friend or pet to death at this time.

As crazy as my kid is we enjoy our dance party time and making cookies. He really likes oatmeal cookies so I usually get his help for those. He really likes when you give him a job. I really want to get him a fish for his next birthday and help teach him some responsibility.

In the spirit of the holidays we put up our tree up last night! My eldest helped decorate and actually took direction well. I was really happy. I also made him hot chocolate for the first time and he really enjoyed it.


The littlest one so far has steered clear of the tree, but it’s only a matter of time. Two boys in the house really makes way for madness.

My father wants to call this weekend so it will be nice to have a chat with him. It’s been a while and I could use family support.  If we continue talking I’ll have to think of what the kids will call him. They already have a Grampy and Nana so I don’t want to duplicate. My dad will probably want to be called Poppa since that’s an East-Coast thing. His wife, Gwen, can’t be Nana though because the kids have one already. I’m sure we’ll think of something. We need to talk first and see how it goes.

In the meantime, I need to eat some breakfast and drink my tea before it gets cold. Enjoy your Sunday!

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments