life

3 Decades

Today is my 30th birthday. This means I have been alive for 3 decades.

As I sit here and think about where my life is, where it could have gone, what I could have done, and what I have actually achieved, I’m actually pretty satisfied.

I’ve taken the long way to decide what my dream career is but I’ve got a plan in place to achieve it if I can ever decide whether or not I’m going to go back to school. Finances don’t necessarily agree with me too much and I tend to over think. Realistically, I can afford to go to school. BUT, in just over 30 days I’m having baby #2, we want to replace our poor little neon with a RAV4, food for baby #2 and the rest of us, saving to buy our own home, education funds for the children, working to bring in extra money to support the extra mouth. All of these things get a bit overwhelming to think about and the more I think about them, the more I realize that going to school may be a dream that never comes true.

I’ve mentally adjusted my educational plan to incorporate 2 years of part time schooling and then 2 years of full time. The program I want to be in has no choice but to be full time so I need to be organzied before I get there or it will all have been for naught.

I forced myself to apply to the University I want to attend and once I get my student ID number, I can start ordering transcripts. This is an investment and it will force me to at least try.

In the meantime, I’ve turned thirty-years-old. Friends have asked me what I am doing for my birthday and I just chuckle. I live in an extremely smallΒ village and I have a 3 year-old and I’m about 8 months pregnant. So, that means during the day I’ll be hanging out with my little dude, doing housework and watching tv. When my husband gets in from work I’ll have a nice bath and we’re having steak and potatoes for dinner. Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeat. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I did get an amazing birthday package in the mail from a friend I left behind when we got posted out here to Manitoba. My husband already gave me my birthday presents and so far my son is being a good boy so that’s a good present.

I’ve published a book and I’m working on book #2. This is a huge accomplishment for me.

I am ten-times older than my son and I have never had a cavity in my entire life (I am SOOOO proud of that :P)

I’m more financially stable than I ever have been in my thirty-years of existence. I have dreams and I have goals. I have a family that I am proud of even if I never thought I would be deserving of this.

These are all the things I have gained in thirty-years. I think I’m good for another thirty and then I just want to drop-dead please lol I don’t want to get too old πŸ˜›

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

The Benefits of Pregnancy Brain

Even though I haven’t actually written anything on my next story, I have definitely had a lot of inspirational, crazy pregnancy dreams. Every now and then I get flashes of certain scenes and I’m like: “WOW! That would so work” or “I never thought of showing that raw emotion before. This will do it perfectly”.

I’ve STILL yet to replace my charging cable for my tablet so that is really holding things back. Plus, being a mom kind of puts the breaks on anything involving just myself. I either don’t have the time, I am dead tired from gestating and chasing a 3 year-old, or I have other life things to worry about.

The major worries I had were involving money (of course!) and whether or not I would be able to go back to school next year. I know I said before that I was not going to go to school, but when you plan and scrimp and save for something for YEARS it’s really hard to give it up. Since we got some money back from our move my money issues are a lot lighter now. Now I have other concerns, like child care. I’m going to apply to school and submit all my transcripts and documents for assessment. I’m going to cross my fingers, toes, eyes, and legs that there will be a spot in the daycare for my Hatchling and that there is before/after school care for my son so that I can put him in Pre-School. These are the issues parents face.

IF there is no child care, then that means I need to find an evening/weekend job. That means any schooling I do MUST be online. When I met with the academic advisor at the University she mentioned that they were hoping to offer more of the courses online next year, so I’m hoping for that. This first year is just picking up those extra 18 credits in History so that I have a second teachable. That can be done online. I can use the Occasional Child Care offered at the centre by my house to do school work and have a break from the kids if I need to, especially if I’m working in the evening. It’ll be tight and I might get a little overwhelmed, but I can do it.

In the meantime, I will enjoy the strange dreams my pregnancy is causing. I’ve met with an OB/GYN and we’ve decided to go with another c-section for this little Hatchling. After weight the pros, cons, risks etc I made the choice that this would be the best route. It’s also convenient in planning the care for my 3 year-old, my husband arranging the last day of his work, AND I’m going to get them to obliterate my tubes while they’re in there.

Some people have told me that I’m very cold for deciding to tie my tubes at ‘such a young age’ and ‘are you sure?????’

First of all, I’m (almost) thirty years old. To me, that is old enough to stop having children. I was planning on having my tubes tied if I wasn’t pregnant this year anyway. If I want to go to school and get my Masters, I will not be able to do that with 3+ kids.

Second of all, kids are expensive. In order to provide a certain standard of living for my children we need to be cost-effective. I grew up in poverty and I do not want that for my children. It might not have been ghetto-poverty, but it was poverty enough that worrying about food and housing was a concern. I want my children to be able to go to University or College or Trade School or whatever without stressing about cost. Yes, my children will have to work for their futures, but if I can make the burden a little lighter, then I want to. I don’t want my children worrying about getting work so that they can support the household. I don’t want my children basing their choices for their futures around what the family needs. My husband’s sister has been living in England for a number of years and a part of me is jealous that she was able to make that decision and live the life she wants. It’s awesome and I want my kids to be able to make that choice as well.

But I am going ooooooon and oooooooooooon. I am also blaming this on the pregnancy hormones.

Now I will put my laptop away as my son is very keen on getting me to help him defeat this level of Angry Birds and I have a baby nursery to organize before I start making lunch πŸ™‚

 

PS –> Thank you for all my followers being so patient with me! I know my posts have dropped quite a bit. I’m working out a new routine but they will probably drop again once the Hatchling is born. Please be patient with me! And thanks for reading!

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Being An Adult

Part of being an adult is making adult decisions.

This large move and the impending arrival of our second monster has forced me to review and re-evaluate my educational plans.

We spent far more of our savings than I had anticipated during the move and we’re only getting a fraction back. Plus, we have additional expenses I had sort of counted but apparently not enough.

In order to be a proper adult and provide appropriately for my family while enjoying life I will not be going back to school. I know education is an ongoing thing and that I could theorhetically take one course at a time but that will only get me so far. For the B.Ed I NEED to be a full time student for 2 years and that’s not something we can afford.

With childcare costs, getting new furniture for both kids, having a monetary safety net plus potentially saving for a house, new vehicle, or even the pop-up trailer we’ve been wanting it’s just not realistic. We also have debt that needs to paid off like student loans which Gail Vaz-Oxlade would be happy to know we’ll put first.

I’m very sad, if I’m 100% honest, but it’s not like I can’t work with the educational background I have. It will then become a matter of the availability of childcare and the job opportunities available when it’s time for me to go back to work.

I’m glad I faced this decision sooner, rather than later, because it’ll give me time to ‘grieve’ and look towards the positive things that will arise from this choice.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 1 comment

Weekend in Ghostville

I still don’t have a charger for my tablet so I have yet to catch up on my reading.

I did a short review of what’s been going on with my book since I published it and not too many sales overall. But that’s okay. It’s not like I published it solely to make money.

Because I haven’t had time to catch up on my reading, I also haven’t had time to catch up on my writing. Now that we’re moved and settled (for the most part) my focus has been on trying to get EI to process my damn application within their “reasonable timeframe” (which is bollocks if you ask me. Give me a concrete time-frame, like 2-3 weeks or something). It’s now been 2 weeks since I submitted my application and nothing has yet to be determined. I would rather know yes or no. Either way is fine, but I can’t do much with my budgeting or life if I have no idea.

Aside from that, I’ve also been stressing out about going back to school in September 2014 and finding child care for that time. I’m not worried too much about The Boy because he’s old enough that for his age group there are lots of spots. The one I’m worried about is The Hatchling. The child care on base currently only lists 8 spots for that age group. The Hatchling will be 10 months. The child care at the University won’t take children until they are 2 years old and I would like to keep them together if I can. This means I might be restricted to Tuesday/Thursday classes because the “casual” childcare runs all day those days or online learning only. That is also going to impact any hope for a part time job.

*sigh* Maybe I won’t go back to school. It’s not like I’ll die without it. We might not even have enough money to send me back to school anyway. I might be better off looking for work and full time child care so we can save up to buy a house and potentially put my husband through school if he wants it.

We’ll see. I have lots of time to think about it and to try to get things organized. I’ve contacted the Child Care Coordinator for the base to see what the wait-list looks like so I have an idea. She’s on vacation, so I should hear from her in a couple weeks.

Until then, I’ll just hang out and try to enjoy my son without him driving me crazy. Which is hard for a three-year-old ahahaha.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

First mobile post

This is my first post from my smart phone, so please forgive any spelling mistakes. The Boy won’t detach himself from my hip today so working on my laptop or tablet will be a bit difficult.

Today is the first day my husband has gone in to work since we moved! This means I have two weeks of bad morning habits in my son to break. So far, we’re doing alright! He’s in a good mood today (which is a bloody miracle in comparison to how he’s been the past little bit) and we’re chilling on the couch.

The Hatchling is co-operating a bit today too. It was wiggling around so much last night it was hard for me to sleep so I’m glad it’s sleeping itself right now.

This weekend will be the first haircut for the Boy in MONTHS and since this is a new town, I’m taking him to a place I found through a discussion board specific to the city I live closest to. I went to their website last night and watched their video. It seems to be run by burly tattooed men which I think is AWESOME since I’m a tiny tattooed woman πŸ™‚ maybe I can ask them where they got their ink done and have some places lined up for my Mother’s Day tattoo.

My tablet died and apparently we lost the charger. This means the books I’m supposed to be reading and reviewing are being put on hold AGAIN and I feel terrible. I’ll get back on it as soon as I can!

Well, that’s it for today! I hope that this posts correctly πŸ˜€

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Today is My Last Day

This will be the last time I ever post from this particular Day Job.

That means in the coming few weeks my posts will be few and far between, if they happen at all. I anticipate I’ll be more active in August once we move and settle in.

In the meantime I’ll catch up on the books I said I’d read, I’ll maybe put something up on the Twitter now and again so people don’t delete me because they think I’m inactive.

So for now, this is it my friends. Watch for me soon. I’ll be back, I promise!

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

It's Almost Time to Say Good-Bye

Tonight will be the last time I go to sleep in the house where I have lived for almost four years.

This is the house my husband and I moved into shortly after getting married. This is the house where I lived when I had my first child, dealt with the first time my husband was deployed to Afghanistan, had our first two dogs, and where I’ve raised my son for three years.

Even though it’s just a rental house, it’s still the place I’ve lived for four years of my life and where I’ve gone through many life changes. I’ve done school in that house, I’ve had friends come hang out, watched movies, had slumber parties (grown-ups can do that!) conquered many a video game and just basically had a good time.

There have been some annoying things, like when the roof leaked, the basement kind of flooded, the furnace went out in winter.

We’re moving to a smaller house and losing some storage space, but that’s okay. I think it’s a good time to move as we get ready for the next chapter of married and family life with The Hatchling on it’s way.

Tonight I’ll say good-bye to that old house and Friday I’ll say good-bye to my Day Job. Saturday I’ll say good-bye to the city completely.

It’s not the first time I’ve moved, and certainly won’t be the last, but it’s bittersweet nonetheless πŸ™‚

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 3 comments