parenting

12 Months is a Long Time

And I’m already losing my mind about it.

For those of you who don’t know, my husband has been attending college for the last two years after releasing from the military. These last two years have been a struggle, both financially and emotionally for a variety of reasons.

Finally, it appears as though there is light at the end of the tunnel! On August 1st he starts a job with a really good company as a work experience student! Provided he passes the placement (which he should) and gets hired on in November, the company offers really good benefits, competitive wages and a whole host of other awesomeness.

Ah, now Sarah, where’s the catch? You all know me so well.

Of course, things can’t be that smooth. The major catch is that this amazing job is in another city approximately 2.5 hours away from where we currently live. This isn’t a commuting kind of deal.

He’s found a room to rent, sadly with strangers because we just couldn’t find someone through a mutual friend, and he’ll try to come home on weekends. We will not be able to relocate to this place for at least a year due to educational commitments on my end and with our son attending programs to help with his behavioural issues.

So this means, for the next 12 months (at least), I will be carrying the emotional burden of a single parent. Yes, I will be receiving his income, but all of the day-to-day duties will fall upon my shoulders.

Needless to say, my friends, I am going to be stressed to shit for the next year. I’ve already been less than sympathetic and understanding to others lately and people really shouldn’t expect that to change. Simply put: I have too much shit going on to care.

At this point, all I can do is hope that my boys are able to cope with their missing father as best as they can. That the fights, the yelling and the taunting each other diminishes at least a bit. I’ve got a lot of shows queued up on Netflix, I’ve got some video games to play and I’ve got the desk ready for my homework. I’ve got some workout exercises ready to go because I’m going to have far too much time.

Unless you’re my wife or my sister, don’t expect me to have too much time for you. The only real exception is my son’s former JK teacher.

I haven’t even been able to write on here as frequently as I wanted, although that’s a whole new ball of wax.

Who knows? Perhaps I will have more time to write on here because I’m just so goddamn efficient at getting everything else done.

I can be pretty amazing.

Just sit back, world, and watch me rock this show.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Working out, nerd-style

This weekend had me a little down in the dumps. If you follow me on Twitter you may have noticed my strange narrative as I navigated the mall in my small town to buy pants.

Here’s some back story:

I wear the same two pairs of pants in rotation all the time. I will sometimes wear leggings and in the summer I have different pants and dresses I will wear. I live in Canada, where it’s freaking cold the majority of the time.

I had groceries to buy and my usual pants were both in the bin for washing.

Both. Of. Them.

Since it’s January, no matter how unseasonably warm it’s been, I needed to find another pair of pants to wear to the store. I have sweatpants but I’ve been trying really hard not to look like a bum when I go out. I more than often run into someone I know, someone I used to teach or people I work with at the store. So I didn’t want to look like a total slob.

I looked in my closet and found a pair of jeans I didn’t even know I had.

They did not fit.

I’m talking like, I couldn’t get them passed my thighs didn’t fit.

So I threw those in the ever-growing pile of clothes to be donated.

I found another pair and tried them on. Same result. Tossed.

Then I found 2 pairs of jeans my dayhome lady had given me. Now, these I could get past my thighs, but I could not do up the button.

Tossed.

Now I’m in a pickle. All I have left are dress pants.

I found a pair, put them on, and they fit just enough that I could go to the store and buy food for my family.

After I got home my husband had to take our dog to a lesson (she’s developing bad habits) and was home in time for lunch. Since I’m in a crappy mood from not fitting pants he tells me to go shopping.

So I shower, throw on a pair of leggings, and off I go!

In the end I successfully found 2 pairs of pants and quite a few shirts to make me happy. I had to call my shopping trip short because my husband texted me that he wasn’t feeling well. He ended up throwing up for the rest of the day.

But I found clothes!

Now I’m trying to kick my ass to work out more. It’s not like I am not thin, because I know I am. But I am not satisfied with the love handles and the pouch where my gut is.

Just now I downloaded two apps: Burn Your Fat With Me For Girls and 30 Day Fitness Challenge.

The first one is a fitness/dating sim type app using a character drawn in the anime style. It’s totally in English so I am excited to try this one! The other one I plan to start on Feb 1st and kick my ass. I just downloaded them so I’m not exactly sure how they’ll work. It’s a start. I also need to stop eating potato chips like Armageddon is coming but baby steps, right?

hqdefault

Hello Good-Looking 2D boy! 

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Bye-bye Assholes

So I’ve changed a few things on the site. Not really, but some. Just some small text that most people probably didn’t even know existed.

Since I’ve changed my hosting I haven’t been receiving any harassing comments! I don’t know if this is because these people are just tired and bored and moved on to something more exciting that tearing down my very existence, or if they just haven’t checked what I’m up to. Which is fine by me.

Things were getting pretty bad there for a bit in the Summer/Fall. I’ve been under quite a bit of stress due to school and family matters. It was nice to get a reprieve from assholes, even if it was just for a bit. Now that I’ve typed this I know they’re going to come back and harass me. Part of me wants them to. Like, fuck you, go ahead. Bring it on! But then I remember how awful I feel about myself after they do and realize how fragile I am and I don’t want them to bug me.

Stop

Like, I’m a delicate, effing flower, okay? Just stop stomping the shit out of me already! I don’t even know why you get such fun and glee out of this.

And then I’m reminded of all my failings and short-coming and it makes me go crazy!

Drastic Shift In Conversation

This weekend we’ve got an interview with a potential babysitter and I’ve got two others lined up. Because I like going out with my husband without the kids. Because I have tickets to a concert and he wants to come since my friend bailed. Because we just deserve a damn break. So I have to interview strangers. That’s what happens when you live in a small town that thinks it’s a big town and you don’t know anyone.

Hopefully it works out because BREAK TIME!

Now I’ve got to do some homework for my statistics class and try not to cry too hard because: STATS is SATAN.

via GIPHY

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Miniscule Update

I have been so AWOL lately.  It’s been like, what? 2 months since I posted anything?

I wish this could be a longer post, but it can’t right now. Maybe later.

Like most of you, I’ve had a lot of things going on both personally and scholastically. Most of it is sorted out and I hope to be back to writing more often when the dust of Christmas settles.

I hope everyone is doing well and I look forward to catching up with everything you’ve been writing in the past few months!

Have a Jack Skellington to tide you over 😀

the-nightmare-before-christmas-jack-skellington

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 2 comments

Need to Scratch

I’ve been thinking a lot about TAK lately. I wasn’t satisfied where I had stopped it last time. I found myself up against a wall; unsure how to move the story forward. My next concern was how I got myself in that hole. This hasn’t ever really happened before. Usually when I hit a wall I just find some way to push through it, even if it seems weird and crummy in the story itself.

But I find I can’t do that with TAK. So the question becomes: where do I go from here?

I’ve figured out where it all went wrong. I had the main characters depart on a job in a small town which lead them to the remaining group of main characters. Only now that it’s been a few months (okay, almost a year) since I wrote that I can see that it was unnatural. I wasn’t truly in the mind of my characters and the story-line suffered for that. Of course, this made me feel like those forty pages I had written since were useless and I rejected doing anything to it.

So it sat.

And sat.

And sat like a fat cat on a chair. (I just wanted to write that)

cat

It’s not on a chair, but you get the idea

Now I can feel that itch in my fingers: the one that wants me to just sit at a desk all day and type frantically. The one that wants to get the story out of my head and into the world.

I have a few issues with that which are making this itch hard to scratch.

Issue 1: I have a Day Job. While this day job has been incredibly sloooooooow lately and I’ve been way up to date on all my work, I’ve been using the time to work on my courses.

Issue 2: I’m a crazy person working full time and taking two classes online. Both of these classes are ridiculously heavy with the classwork. I have weekly discussions, two group assignments, 2 tests and an exam. And that’s just what I remember.

Issue 3: I’m a parent. This means I have limited time and I can’t just lock myself away in my office (which is super cold all.the.time. for some stupid reason) without drowning in guilt.

So these are my issues. I need some tissues. (HA! I’m a bit delirious. I got out of bed earlier than normal today).

Those who write and somehow manage to balance a life, how do you do it? Any tips to spare? I’m usually great at self-motivation but I could use some extra support right now.

glasses

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Mindful Musings #179

Mindful Musings

The alarm jars me from my slumber.

Groggily I pull myself from the warmth.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I stumble through the darkness of the house

Towards the steamy shower.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Hair is styled,

Clothes are worn.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Bundle the children

Diffuse the fights

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Pile into the car and drive away.

It’s time to begin another day.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Musings, 0 comments

Mindful Musings #175

Mindful Musings

You’re growing up, child.

Your hand slips away from mine

And your loud, boisterous voice

Carries you away.

Every day, every year

You become more of a person

Than when you were the tiny bundle

That would only sleep in my arms.

Bittersweet emotions wash over me

As the joy of watching you grow up

Mingles with the sadness of you leaving.

We’ve still got many years ahead

Of embarrassing Mum episodes

And teenage rebellion.

I’ll cherish these moments

When I’m still your number one.

 

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Musings, 0 comments

Give Me Freedom

Parenting is hard.

It’s true that every generation faces their own hurdles that they need to overcome to align with what society says is ‘good parenting’.

I’m finding it difficult to allow myself to allow my kids to have fun without being judged.

Thanks to social media and the ability to spread news farther and faster than ever before it sounds like a horrible world out there. Gratefully my kids are 6 and 2.5 so we’re kind of okay right now. But there are things I would have done as a child that I’ll be damned I let my kids do now for fear of getting arrested or something.

When I was growing up you played outside. You went off and were told to be back by a certain time. I lived pretty rurally in my childhood so what really happened is we were tossed outside and told to go play until you hear someone yelling your name.

And we did.

I explored forests, went on loooong walks, played in burned out buildings (a barn had burned down. Obviously I only went in long after the fire was done), played in an abandoned house and discovered nature. Trees, animals, plants, all kinds of things were in my domain. Came back to the house for meals and then was off.

Granted I don’t remember these times in my life too well because there was a lot of stress and trauma happening at the same time. But I do remember the freedom.

If I were to let my 6 year old play in my fenced, relatively danger-free backyard, alone, I’d probably get arrested.

Which sucks.

I also live in town which is weird for me. I don’t know what to do with kids when you live in town. I didn’t live in a town until I was in my early teens so to have a 6 year old who is just begging to be released into the wilds and run around fields and having no place to do that is a task I’m dealing with.

Kids don’t come with manuals and we have to go by what our parents showed us as kids. If you didn’t have great parents or if there were things about your childhood you hated and you want to change, parenting is even that much more foreign to you.

But I can be taught. There are places I can take my kid and let him roam. There are activities he can do and enjoy the outdoors as much as I did.

outside

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 6 comments
Am I Crazy? Maybe…

Am I Crazy? Maybe…

Keeping on with the happiness train I thought I’d talk about some good things that have happened recently.

The Husband landed a summer job that lets him work regular full time hours, Monday to Friday, at almost the same pay I’m getting! This is a huge weight off our shoulders. We can squirrel away money into our savings for when he goes back to full time school in the Fall and for other projects.

Like my next tattoo!

I go for my tattoo consultation on the 29th of June. Super excited for it! It’s just to talk about the idea and placement and such. I’ll also be putting down a deposit and making the appointment for the actual tattoo to happen.

Another great thing is I decided The Husband isn’t allowed to work when he’s in school this next year. Why is that good news, you ask? Because he’s been out of the school-game for so long it was really hard for him to be a student and work part time.

So I’m going to.

I’ve already applied to two jobs and I’m about to submit my application for a third. These are on-call, casual jobs (mostly) that would keep me employed and bring in some extra money without him having to worry about it.

This does mean that I’ll have less time to write TAK but, to be honest, I haven’t touched it in like a month anyway. Things were pretty crazy at my Day Job but it’s toning down again.

Another awesome thing is I submitted my registration request for 2 courses I need to take for the Masters program I want to get into! Once processed, this will cover 2/5 courses I need to take to be eligible for the Masters in Education in Counselling Psychology. That makes me pretty damn happy.

You might be saying: Now Sarah, taking two courses in the Fall, working three jobs (I have a side freelancing job which is good, but unreliable) and being a parent all at the same time? Are you crazy?

The simple answer?

crazy life

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments