roadblocks

The Road to Recovery

No, I am not talking about addiction.

My household suffered a horrific sweep of a stomach virus this past week.

Like, horrific. My kids, myself, my husband. Now my husband is complaining that he has a cold as well.

I lost basically a whole week of work which means a whole week of money. I’m still on probation at this job so no sick days and the like for me.

Being so sick and sitting around doing nothing has not been good for my personal mental health. I am feeling so stuck, so aimless. At this age I thought I would be in my career already but I’m still finding odd jobs to fill the gaps. I’d like to go back to school but right now my education is not a priority. I know it’s never too late to go back to school and blah blah blah but I still feel pretty meh about my current situation.

I like my new job, so far, but it’s not as intriguing as I wanted it to be. Maybe I’m detaching because there’s a strong possibility I’ll have to find a new job in a year anyway or maybe it just really isn’t as awesome as I wanted.

Maybe my expectations are too high.

This mood does NOT help in terms of writing and I am so overrun and overwhelmed by life that I am having a really hard time slowing down and just doing something I like.

I also need a haircut.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 2 comments

You sure this is year of the Ram? Feels like year of the DESTROY ALL THE THINGS!

Hello everyone!

It has been a long time since I have posted anything worth noting, hasn’t it?

How has your 2015 been for you so far? I know we’re really only on full week two but it’s been a whirlwind here for me. Not only has it been bitterly cold (Thanks Manitoba!) it’s also been full of challenges and new adventures.

Barely two weeks into my new fancy-sounding job I had to take a day off work to sort out childcare issues. It had been a long-standing issue with my (now former) day home but the last straw was being notified barely two days before the start of the work week in the new year that she would be closed an extra FOUR DAYS. This was a huge issue for us. Unlike a lot of people that live in our town we don’t have oodles of family bored and chomping at the bit to watch our kids. My in-laws both work full time and they live about 45 minutes away. My sister-in-law lives in another COUNTRY so we can’t just pick up the phone and say “Heeeeeey…..whatcha doin’? Wanna watch the monsters today?” I ended up finding a new day home for the kids which they started this week. So far so good except both kids seem to be coming down with colds. I’m currently on probation at work so I don’t get any benefits until March/April at the earliest. This means if I don’t work I don’t get paid.

I also work two jobs. Monday and Wednesday evenings I still teach ESL and I also have a class on Saturday that I teach. My husband is going to College in September so I need to make sure I can keep the family afloat while he’s off increasing his intellectual toolkit and expanding his horizons. That’s not to mention my current job is a contract that runs out in December of 2015. Yeesh. I can’t win, can I? It’s a bit tough. Moving here was supposed to present us with all these opportunities when in reality it’s been one defeat after another.

I try to look on the bright side though. We now live in a smaller town. It’s more cozy and friendly here than where we were. We were able to buy our first home which was something we might never have been able to do if we stayed in Alberta. My husband can explore his educational options at a fraction of the price we would have paid for the same course in Alberta. Family is much much closer than they were before and they do try to help out as much as they can. Except my sister-in-law. She hides in England 😛 Although I’m sure if she were in the same COUNTRY she would do what she could.

Now that I’m getting settled into my new office at work I can allot some time to make an update like I was doing before…..oooooh probably almost 2 years ago.

I also got THE MOST AWESOME filing cabinet from Mum and Dad for Christmas! This means the home office is coming along nicely and I should be able to do some serious work on TAK and get that ready to be exposed to the eyes of the world! Exciting, right?

Until then you’ll have to be satisfied with the related-but-not-really-related shorts that I’ve been posted.

Happy reading!

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

*POOF!*

I have been such a bad bad blogger.

Thank you to those who have stayed with me and still followed me even though I have been majorly absent.

My office is still a mess. The day job I had, I quit due to problems with management. I have an interview tomorrow that is promising and the hope of gaining more teaching hours for January if nothing else comes through. I’m not 100% unemployed right now because I picked up some tutoring hours at my teaching gig. It’s less money but it’s still money. Luckily I finished my Christmas shopping save one present and some wrapping paper. Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

As an apology, here is the long-awaited short from TAK that I promised in like, August.

Project:Ghost

It might be a little mature due to the violence, but it’s not anywhere near as objectionable as Skeletons in the Closet.

So, enjoy! I hope to be on more frequently.

Thanks again for sticking with me 😀

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Book Excerpts, My Book Stuff, 3 comments

The Life of a Working Stiff

So this needs to be short and sweet. I’m not supposed to use my work computer for “personal” things. I’m early for work so I figure I can pop out one short and sweet post.

I have a full time day job! It’s demanding a lot of attention. I’m also taking a course Tuesdays and Thursdays as well as teaching on Saturdays. I’m pretty busy right now. The course I’m taking ends after Thanksgiving (that’s in October, to my American followers. I am very Canadian lol) so I’ll have more time to write then.

My house is still in disarray as there is STILL mould in my basement bedroom and I am STILL camping out in my cluttered office. Hopefully this week we can get the removal company in there to sort things out.

Still waiting on my first paycheque from both jobs so once those flow in I can purchase the necessary tools to complete the office. I’m thinking a nice tall file cabinet, bookshelves and a nice chair mat to go over the floor. All of that could be about $500 but I don’t care 😉

Anyway, I better get going. I’ll post again soon! I’ve been working on “Project: Ghost” which is the next short so keep your eyes peeled!

Thanks for following me!

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Oooooh I want to wriiiiite

I’ve been rereading what I had written so far with TAK and let me just say, it has really sparked the urge to write again.

But I have no time! Seriously. I’m home with my two kidlets all day, I work Monday-Thursday from 6:00pm to 9:00pm but with travel time it’s more like 4:45pm-9:45pm. Friday I try to unwind but since it’s the first night the whole family is together we try to have a good supper and spend time together. Saturday I work from 10:00am-2:00am and then after work I have errands to run since we live out of town. I usually don’t get home until 3:30pm or 4:00pm. And Sunday? Don’t make me laugh. That’s chore day. Laundry, dusting, vacuuming (although I usually do it during the week it usually needs it again on Sunday).

Phew! All this time spent living and I run out of time to be selfish and write. I have a world to create! I have characters to bring to life and characters to destroy. Lives, WORLDS even, lie in the depths of my brain and cry to be let out.

It’s a wonder I don’t go mad…..

Of course……

I could already be there…..

Posted by Sarah Jayne in My Book Stuff, 0 comments

Where the hell have I been??

If anyone follows this blog you may be asking this question.

I do apologize for my sudden disappearance. It was not meant to last so long.

I had my son on November 6th, 2013. Now my house is full of boys and I’m left alone as the only female. Of course, this means my laundry load has increased slightly 😛

Aside from adjusting to being a mom of 2 and handling a fussy baby coupled with a demanding toddler I’ve been trying to catch up on sleep, mostly. I haven’t had nearly as much time for reading or writing as I thought I would.

I’m slowly working on it though and hoping to catch up. In the meantime I’ve been dealing with life realities such as putting my schooling on hold. This time I`m not going to just disregard school forever, I`m going to postpone it.

I will be starting a new job in January that works out nicely for my family. It will be in the evening during the week and on Saturdays. I am very excited about it because I am also being given creative freedom to develop an entire curriculum which makes me happy.

So I do apologize for not being as active as I should be. I will hopefully be able to get back to at least posting once a week.

I am considering offering my book for free as a apology gift 😉 Stay tuned!

Posted by Sarah Jayne in My Book Stuff, 0 comments

The Benefits of Pregnancy Brain

Even though I haven’t actually written anything on my next story, I have definitely had a lot of inspirational, crazy pregnancy dreams. Every now and then I get flashes of certain scenes and I’m like: “WOW! That would so work” or “I never thought of showing that raw emotion before. This will do it perfectly”.

I’ve STILL yet to replace my charging cable for my tablet so that is really holding things back. Plus, being a mom kind of puts the breaks on anything involving just myself. I either don’t have the time, I am dead tired from gestating and chasing a 3 year-old, or I have other life things to worry about.

The major worries I had were involving money (of course!) and whether or not I would be able to go back to school next year. I know I said before that I was not going to go to school, but when you plan and scrimp and save for something for YEARS it’s really hard to give it up. Since we got some money back from our move my money issues are a lot lighter now. Now I have other concerns, like child care. I’m going to apply to school and submit all my transcripts and documents for assessment. I’m going to cross my fingers, toes, eyes, and legs that there will be a spot in the daycare for my Hatchling and that there is before/after school care for my son so that I can put him in Pre-School. These are the issues parents face.

IF there is no child care, then that means I need to find an evening/weekend job. That means any schooling I do MUST be online. When I met with the academic advisor at the University she mentioned that they were hoping to offer more of the courses online next year, so I’m hoping for that. This first year is just picking up those extra 18 credits in History so that I have a second teachable. That can be done online. I can use the Occasional Child Care offered at the centre by my house to do school work and have a break from the kids if I need to, especially if I’m working in the evening. It’ll be tight and I might get a little overwhelmed, but I can do it.

In the meantime, I will enjoy the strange dreams my pregnancy is causing. I’ve met with an OB/GYN and we’ve decided to go with another c-section for this little Hatchling. After weight the pros, cons, risks etc I made the choice that this would be the best route. It’s also convenient in planning the care for my 3 year-old, my husband arranging the last day of his work, AND I’m going to get them to obliterate my tubes while they’re in there.

Some people have told me that I’m very cold for deciding to tie my tubes at ‘such a young age’ and ‘are you sure?????’

First of all, I’m (almost) thirty years old. To me, that is old enough to stop having children. I was planning on having my tubes tied if I wasn’t pregnant this year anyway. If I want to go to school and get my Masters, I will not be able to do that with 3+ kids.

Second of all, kids are expensive. In order to provide a certain standard of living for my children we need to be cost-effective. I grew up in poverty and I do not want that for my children. It might not have been ghetto-poverty, but it was poverty enough that worrying about food and housing was a concern. I want my children to be able to go to University or College or Trade School or whatever without stressing about cost. Yes, my children will have to work for their futures, but if I can make the burden a little lighter, then I want to. I don’t want my children worrying about getting work so that they can support the household. I don’t want my children basing their choices for their futures around what the family needs. My husband’s sister has been living in England for a number of years and a part of me is jealous that she was able to make that decision and live the life she wants. It’s awesome and I want my kids to be able to make that choice as well.

But I am going ooooooon and oooooooooooon. I am also blaming this on the pregnancy hormones.

Now I will put my laptop away as my son is very keen on getting me to help him defeat this level of Angry Birds and I have a baby nursery to organize before I start making lunch 🙂

 

PS –> Thank you for all my followers being so patient with me! I know my posts have dropped quite a bit. I’m working out a new routine but they will probably drop again once the Hatchling is born. Please be patient with me! And thanks for reading!

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Weekend in Ghostville

I still don’t have a charger for my tablet so I have yet to catch up on my reading.

I did a short review of what’s been going on with my book since I published it and not too many sales overall. But that’s okay. It’s not like I published it solely to make money.

Because I haven’t had time to catch up on my reading, I also haven’t had time to catch up on my writing. Now that we’re moved and settled (for the most part) my focus has been on trying to get EI to process my damn application within their “reasonable timeframe” (which is bollocks if you ask me. Give me a concrete time-frame, like 2-3 weeks or something). It’s now been 2 weeks since I submitted my application and nothing has yet to be determined. I would rather know yes or no. Either way is fine, but I can’t do much with my budgeting or life if I have no idea.

Aside from that, I’ve also been stressing out about going back to school in September 2014 and finding child care for that time. I’m not worried too much about The Boy because he’s old enough that for his age group there are lots of spots. The one I’m worried about is The Hatchling. The child care on base currently only lists 8 spots for that age group. The Hatchling will be 10 months. The child care at the University won’t take children until they are 2 years old and I would like to keep them together if I can. This means I might be restricted to Tuesday/Thursday classes because the “casual” childcare runs all day those days or online learning only. That is also going to impact any hope for a part time job.

*sigh* Maybe I won’t go back to school. It’s not like I’ll die without it. We might not even have enough money to send me back to school anyway. I might be better off looking for work and full time child care so we can save up to buy a house and potentially put my husband through school if he wants it.

We’ll see. I have lots of time to think about it and to try to get things organized. I’ve contacted the Child Care Coordinator for the base to see what the wait-list looks like so I have an idea. She’s on vacation, so I should hear from her in a couple weeks.

Until then, I’ll just hang out and try to enjoy my son without him driving me crazy. Which is hard for a three-year-old ahahaha.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Drawbacks of a Day Job Part 2

I never intended there to be a part two to this rant, but this morning warrants it.

Woke up OVER AN HOUR LATE. Today was a flurry of clothing being thrown on, cursing at my hair for not cooperating, wishing I was more talented/had time to put it on with makeup, desperately calling my workplace to inform them I would be late. My husband rushed to get our son up and dressed (he’s only 2.5 years old. Still needs help) as I flew down the stairs to throw all our bags into the truck and start it. There was more than normal today too because I wanted to bring my laptop to work and then we’re hopefully starting potty-training this week so I had extra clothes to take to the dayhome.

Of course, my son hates getting his boots on and getting ready in the morning. So that was a battle. Then once we were in the truck and he was munching on his toaster waffle (I feel like SUCH a horrible parent!) he realized that dad was not coming with us so that incited a cry-fest.

As he’s crying and I’m flying down the highway all I can look at is the clock. How late am I going to be? Will I have to cut back my lunch break to compensate? Was it even worth it to try and get there?

One thing you’ll want to understand about my daily commute: I live in the north end of my city. My dayhome is in the south. My workplace is central. The entire commute from home, to dayhome, to work is about 1 hour or an hour and change. And that’s just for one way.

FINALLY! I get to work only a half hour late. That’s okay. I can take a short lunch. I rush into my office only to see……no one else there.

WHAT?!

I dump my bags on my chair and turn my computer on. With my coat half-open I rush to the administration area to ask the lady if there was a meeting I didn’t know about.

Apparently there was. She didn’t know at first where it was because it had been decided at the last minute. We figured out where it was, I threw my coat on my chair and literally RAN up the two flights of stairs to the meeting room.

I knock on the door, it opens, and…..

BAM! DEPARTMENT MEETING! My super-boss, the DEAN OF MY DAMN DEPARTMENT and almost every single person I work with is all sitting at the table and I’ve interrupted a discussion.

Well, don’t I feel like an asshole.

Needless to say, I’m sure I turned red with embarrassment. What a wonderful way to start my day, let alone start my week.

God I wish I could have just stayed at home and continued editing. I hit page 60 last night, so I was happy about that. My laptop is here with me, but I doubt I’ll get to work on much.

I had been planning to talk about my story today, so I guess that’ll have to wait for tomorrow. Coffee break is over and there’s a line up of students.

Yay day job.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Adventures in Editing

So I tried editing my work this weekend while I’m waiting to hear back from Amazon.

Man, is it hard.

The story I’m editing is something I wrote about 4 years ago and I haven’t touched it since. I’m one of those people that when I write, I go all out until I can’t feel my brain any more. So needless to say, I was successful.

Now that I’m trying to edit it so that it’s consistent and actually good I’m finding it a little difficult.

I’m only on page 20 of 315 and man is it slow going. It didn’t help that this weekend I had company from out of town so that drastically cut into my editing time. So, I’m right where I was on Thursday night. Which means I have to step up my game.

I’m currently waiting to hear from Amazon as I was slightly confused about their agreement regarding their Kindle Direct Publishing. When I spoke to customer service on Tuesday I was told I would hear back within 12-24 hours. Nothing yet. They did provide me with a direct link to the support unit I need, so if I don’t hear anything today, I will try to contact them again.

I really want to get this story dressed up and pretty so that I can put her  out there in April at the latest.

Yes, that is a long time from now, but I don’t want to put some piece of crap out there. I’ve been told this particular story is really good when I’ve shared it with a few close friends so I know it has potential. I want the rest of the world to see that potential too. I want people to read this story and fall in love with it. I want them to laugh when they read it. I want them to get excited when something interesting happens. I would be honoured (< I did not correct this, because this is how we spell this word in Canada :P)if people would cry when they read it. And not because it was THAT BAD but because they were so emotionally invested they couldn’t help it. I’ve cried when reading books and manga before. Hell, I cry when I watch anime because I get that into it.

So here’s hoping I hear from the support unit today! The sooner, the better because that means I can put this story out faster. 🙂

Posted by Sarah Jayne in My Book Stuff, 0 comments