stay awake

Mindful Musings #128

Mindful Musings

Like a hit of heroin

Like a blast of cocaine

The caffeine burns my tongue and scorches my throat

As it courses down my throat into my belly.

Patiently I wait

For the sweet drug

To be broken down

And flood my veins.

Washing over my entire body

Like an island during a tsunami

I feel awake

I feel alive.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Musings, 0 comments

Daymares in the Daylight

I had a daymare today. I classify a ‘daymare’ as those waking dreams. Where your mind wanders but you ‘see’ or ‘dream’ things.

This daymare is recurring. I have it every so often that it’s almost come to be something like an omen; a prophecy. Which would be kind of cool and the only good thing about this whole situation.

My daymare starts with a phone call. Not a text. This lends intense urgency to the whole thing. No one calls me. Unless something is wrong. In my daymare my cousin has called to tell me of our grandfathers passing. At the time of writing, my grandfather is very much alive. I have not seen nor spoken to the man since my grandmother passed almost seven years ago.

I make it a point to not go to Ontario. There are people there I would rather not see. I joke that I only go back when people die, as the last time I was there was when my grandmother passed.

The phone call is disjointed and I can’t make out the words but I know what it is. She is giving me dates and times.

Time is not linear in a daymare and suddenly I am there. I am in Ontario at the funeral. I pay my respects and touch base with my cousin and my collection of aunts and uncles.

And then I hear it.

Her voice.

It’s grating and the anxiety I feel whenever I think about her rushes over me. I’m consumed and it becomes hard to hear. She’s yelling, as usual. I can’t make out the words. It’s just….noise. Everything else is muted and I’m surrounded by her noise.

I break out of the daymare, eventually. It feels so real that sometimes when this happens I will text my cousin and ask her for an update.

The positive out of all of this is it’s just a daymare. It hasn’t happened. It’s like training for when the real thing happens. So that’s good, I suppose.

Daymares can be good fodder for writing, but I have to be at work now. No time to break out the tablet and start typing away. Perhaps at lunch time I can channel this into something. Aldric and Brexton have just returned to Vanecia after all. Debating on having them meet with The Doctor (no TARDIS here. Not that kind of doctor) or have them go straight to their destination. It’s a bit muddled in my mind here so I might write and rewrite this section a few times.

I made a story map of what I want to happen here, I just need to review it. Maybe approach it from a different angle then what I’ve got going on right now.

Happy Monday folks! Try to stay awake!

awake

Posted by Sarah Jayne in My Book Stuff, Rantings, 0 comments

Personalities and Characters

When I was a late teen until I was an early twenty-something I dated this guy who was  the most pretentious, ridiculous person I have ever met. For seven years I had a relationship with this guy and I almost married him. I had accepted a ring and plans were being made and everything!

Then one day I left the ring on the table with my keys and left.

It’s an embarrassing time of my life and I don’t like to remember it. He probably doesn’t like to remember it either.

He was a mechanic who wanted to be a doctor or an actor (he couldn’t make up his mind). He drank wine while bitching about the ‘low-brow’ humour that occurred on the shop floor. He was so full of himself watching Frasier and House like he wanted to be those guys it made me doubt my own intelligence.

Even now; I used to think I knew everything about writing but I don’t. Boss and BSP are far more educated than I in that realm. It made me feel like the one thing I had going for me was gone. I know that’s not the case, but it’s hard not to think that way sometimes.

And that reminds me of Brexton and Aldric.

Brexton is a showy, loud, confident guy. He’s probably not the sharpest tool in the shed as he leaves all the strategies and planning to Aldric. He discounts his own intelligence and is comfortable with the fact that there are those who know more than he does. He is happiest in battle, slicing his katana through the air and through bodies. That is his niche and it is where he feels his best. It’s part of the reason his relationship with Dessa broke down. Brexton wasn’t ready to discover who he could be without his sword.

Aldric is not confident. He has confidence in his battle skills, but that’s it. He is the smarter of the two in terms of planning and strategies. He also has more street-smarts than Brexton. But because Brexton shines like such a star, it makes Aldric self-concious. He feels that perhaps he’s too low to keep up with Brexton. It’s like Brexton is the cool popular kid that everyone loves and Aldric is the smart, quiet nerdy guy with no friends. In reality, they are the best of friends because they have traits that compliment each other. Aldric and Brexton have always been together so there’s that fear that they are only together out of habit.

The funny thing is, they both feel that way. Brexton feels like Aldric could do way better than him and that he is only with him because of familiarity and a sense of responsibility. Aldric feels the same way about Brexton. They don’t talk about it, but there’s that awkward concern under the surface.

I love writing scenes when this comes up. They’re both so ignorant with their emotions and that’s because they were never shown how to express them. Maybe that will change by the end of the story. I can’t tell you now though 😉

I channel a lot of my personal experiences in my writing. Of course I do! I don’t know a writer who doesn’t. This is what I know best because I lived it. I am living it. You could probably learn more about me by reading my book/musings than  you could reading a blog post.

It’s enjoyable to write about Brexton and Aldric. I can’t wait to write more! The office is getting painted this weekend and that makes me so happy! Soon, everyone. Soon I’ll be able to lock myself in there for hours on the weekend and just let my fingers fly over the keyboard.

My husband got his new laptop so I’ll be getting his old one. That will make it much easier to type as well.

Enjoy your Tuesday! Try to stay awake! 🙂

Stay-Awake-Funny

 

Posted by Sarah Jayne in My Book Stuff, 0 comments