tired

Mindful Musings #231

I will float here

Empty of substance

Surrounded by a false warmth.

The world

My current world

Is lacking.

I teeter between grief and madness.

Pain and delirium.

Agony and strife.

The shattered pieces

Of my strength

Are littered at my feet.

The breaking point was breached.

Yet it will be rebuilt.

As I lie here.

Surrounded by the false warmth

As the tiny pieces of my soul

Refill my empty cup.

 

 

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Mindful Musings #218

mindful-musings

Feeling trapped.

Fingers numb from clawing

Lungs burning from lack of oxygen.

All within a prison made of glass.

Now the water rises.

Slowly, carefully

Swallowing from the bottom up.

Trembling from fear

Gives way to sweet defeat.

Exhaustion envelops like a blanket.

Soothing the pain.

Covering the wounds.

Darkness descends

And there is only black.

 

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Everything is Blue

I’m so apathetic today. Which apparently is making me wittier than normal.

This won’t be a long post because apathy and the fact that I just can’t think of anything of value to write.

I am considering getting my own hosting service and moving the site. Not sure how that will affect things, but I’m just investigating at this time. If anyone has any experiences with their own hosting and how it works when you’ve started as a WordPress hosted site, I would be interested in hearing from you! Either hit me up in the comments or contact me via email.

I hope everyone has had a good holiday season and aren’t feeling overwhelmed with being back to work! There’s a lot going on in my neck of the woods that I’ll sort out in another post.

On a side note, I’m taking a stats for education class and I hate IBM SPSS 24. I mostly hate it because I am illiterate with programs like this and want to throw things out the window. Someone want to do my homework for me? Please? No? Bastards.

It’s my bestfriends birthday today and I just sang to her on the phone. She lives a few provinces away so I couldn’t sing to her face. She’s complaining (lightly) that she’s old because she turned 30. As someone who is turning 34 this year, I laugh at her.

As she is a cat-person, I post this photo in her honour:

cat

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Mindful Musings #198

mindful-musings

Losing grip

Descending deeper

Into the abyss.

Tired of being tired

Tired of wearing the mask.

Tired of the questions:

The stares.

The fabricated concern.

Just let me be swallowed

Completely whole

By that darkness

Where no sound permeates

The thick silence.

Give me this respite

Into utter nothingness

So I may find myself

Again.

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Mindful Musings #172

Mindful Musings

My bones are heavy

While my mind is weary.

I’d like to sleep

For at least one hundred years

But the universe,

And my responsibilities,

Have another idea.

The curse of being an adult

The status I yearned for in my youth.

Give me back my noon-hour wakings

And fancy-free frolicking.

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Mindful Musings #53

Mindful Musings

The days are long

And there are miles to go

Before I sleep.

What wise man

Said those words so long ago?

My head and heart are weary

My eyes are tired

My soul is exhausted.

I seek a rest that will not easily come.

Shhhh, little darling.

The night will come

And you will rest.

Then you will rise

And do it all again.

 

 

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Musings, 0 comments

Loneliness

Have you ever truly been alone? Being swallowed up by that black nothingness is not as lovely as it sounds. There are times when we all happily retreat to the emptyness of loneliness in an attempt to reconfigure; redefine.

But that is loneliness by choice.

Think of the child: home alone, ill, with no one to care for them. Maybe both parents work just to survive. Maybe there is only Dad who can’t leave work because that means no groceries that week. Maybe there is only Mum who can’t leave because that means her job will go to someone else. Maybe there is no one. Mum and Dad may physically be there but perhaps they don’t have the tools to offer comfort and solace.

The loneliness can persist and haunt the child all through life. As a teen, a young adult, an adult, middle-aged, senior.

When you are lonely because it has been thrust upon you it is a terrifying gaping darkness that threatens to swallow you whole.

I hope that if you find yourself in this deep dark pit of despair that you are able to climb out: that you are able to cry for help and strong enough to accept that help.

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