weather

Mindful Musings #229

When it’s warm enough

To snow

The ground becomes covered

In a blanket of

Purity.

All imperfections are hidden

As the world becomes equal.

The blanket mutes the sounds

Of the city

Of nature

Of my own mind

As I blankly stand in the falling peace

And regain comfort over

Myself.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Musings, 0 comments

Mindful Musings #126

Mindful Musings

The rain drowns out the tears.

The thunder obliterates the screams.

The lightning blinds the pain.

Akin to a storm

The emotions course through me

I am in pain.

I am free.

I am alive.

We bleed just to know we’re alive.

Like the angels sang to us

In that movie once.

A long time ago.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Musings, 4 comments

Snow, Snow, Snow!

Here in Manitoba, Canada we laugh when Spring starts to appear. Like most places in Canada March seems to herald in a new season. Snow starts to melt, the sun shines and temperatures rise. Lots of people discard their parkas or other winter coats in favour of lighter Spring jackets and sweaters. There are even people who start wearing shorts! I know 10°C is warm, but come on!

But in Manitoba, we know better. We know this is just a ruse, a trick. It’s not actually Spring yet. We’ve gotten a dumping of snow in May for crying out loud! When I lived in Alberta, it was much the same. I haven’t lived in Saskatchewan before, but since it’s sandwiched between the two, I imagine it’s similar.

So it was no surprise when a fresh, crisp blanket of white greeted me this morning. Flakes were falling gently in the air. Ah, snow. It’s snowing again and we’re liable to get another 2-4cm today.

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My eldest son was less than impressed. He wanted the green grass and the puddles to come back. Driving to work this morning had us going through 2 intersections. Such is life here.

On a good note, do you all remember that money issue I’ve been bitching about for the last seven months? Of course you do! If there’s anything I do well, it’s complain.

Yesterday afternoon the bank called my husband to inform him that the cheque had been received. Within an hour, it was showing in our account. FINALLY! FINALLY! The money has been received. I no longer have to worry about buying groceries this weekend. I don’t have to worry about paying my mortgage. I don’t have to worry about being able to afford the new socks my kid so desperately needs.

I have been offered lots of support in terms of money to fill the gaps while we were waiting for this goddamn payout. Friends, family, friends that are basically family. While I appreciate it all, I have an extreme aversion to borrowing money. I do not like owing people money. I don’t like owing even a dollar to someone. Being indebted to someone makes me go into extreme anxiety-mode.

I’ve associated owing money to someone as basically giving that person rights  to your life. Like blood money. My rational brain thinks this thought-process is ridiculous. My irrational brain tends to be a bit louder and is like “whaaaaa? NO!”

Other good news is that we are now able to afford those tiny extras we’ve been waiting on. I can paint the office and purchase one of the last pieces of furniture. We paid off my student loan, I paid off the credit card, I repaid my in-laws (they bought us the desk for the office. I’ve been in agony ever since). My husband was able to order the new toy he wanted. Once the credit card recovers from its workout I’ll pay it off again and put the rest of  the money in savings like I planned.

Things are finally looking up. The last seven months have been hell and stress. Things have been tense and no one was happy. Now we can focus on being a family again. My husband and I can afford to go on a date. It is better now. Much better.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

My Head is Pounding

I know a lot of people who suffer from migraines. I don’t know that I’ve ever had massive migraines per se, but today I definitely have a bastard of a headache. I didn’t even drink last night or something!

Coupled with that is this condition that’s plagued me since I was 18. It only got ‘diagnosed’ when I was in my early twenties. The muscles in my ribs are too close together, so during times of stress, lack of sleep, or just because, they will spasm violently in what I imagine feels like being stabbed repeatedly. Today is one of those days. The knock-off Advil I’ve taken has dulled it, but not removed it. Generally on days like today I curl up in my bed and don’t move.

The spasms don’t happen as often as they used to, but they still happen. It’s been a while since it was this bad though. Normally I can work through it. I’m writing about it today so that I can stop thinking about it. If I explain it enough I can ignore it and function throughout my work day.

On another note, I’ve been using Google Docs for TAK,. Sometimes there feels to be a bit of a delay, but it’s actually pretty good. The problem is trying to write it only during lunch periods at work and not throughout the day. It’s been a bit slow at the Day Job so I don’t want to fall into a bad habit of working on TAK when I should be doing other things. You know how it is: you get a really good scene in your head and you can’t do anything else until you write that sucker down. That level of distraction isn’t good for my work ethic hahaha.

It’s been quite warm here in Canada. Even where I live, in Manitoba, it’s been warm. Aside from the territories and Newfoundland and Labrador, I’m certain Manitoba is the coldest province. It’s flat. It’s windy. The windchill is a bastard. I’ve lived in Alberta, which is pretty cold but Manitoba takes the cake. I even live in the south of Manitoba! So damn flat.

Because of this, the weather is kind of a jerk. We had temperatures of 17°C on Sunday. Now it’s -2°C and there are threats of snow. That’s how you know it’s warm here. When it snows.

I just want to crawl back in my bed, assume the fetal position and not move. Maybe sleep. Maybe read. But most of all, pretend that adulting doesn’t exist.

For now, I will give myself an adulting participation ribbon and be on with my day!

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Both of these are applicable today

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 2 comments

Good Morning Starshine

The Earth says hello!

Our administrative assistant/superwoman is out of the office today. She was out yesterday as well as the sickness has finally gripped her. I do feel a little bad about it because it seems like she’s got the version of the illness I had.

They’ve been calling my office-mate/brain-sharer and I the ‘Toxic Twins’ which is quite funny.

Since our Superwoman is out of the office I made coffee for everyone. I’m generally here first, and even though I don’t even drink coffee myself, I know my co-workers really enjoy being able to have a hot cup first thing in the morning. We have meetings this morning too that we need to get through. For some of them, being able to do that uncaffienated is frightening. But the pot is on the brew so there’s nothing to fear now.

I have my thermos of tea, as usual, so all is right in my world. It’s nice and warm and lovely.

It snowed last night which has made things interesting so early in the day. Even though I live in freaking Canada and we have snow like, 6 months out of the year, people will still forget how to drive and it will take ages to get anywhere. It’s pretty funny because I now live in a relatively small town so instead of 5 minutes to get somewhere it takes 10.

Not much work has been done on TAK while I’ve been sick. Since we got the notification that the money is on its way, I’ve been dreaming of redoing my office at home and getting things organized and set up the way I like. Since my husband wants a new computer that means I get his old one. My current laptop is less than wonderful. It’s died one too many times. I can’t even have it unplugged because the battery won’t hold a charge.

Hopefully this means that soon I will be able to give you all either another short, or an actual book!

Have a happy Wednesday! The Work Week is almost over! That is, if you work Monday-Friday.

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My co workers

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Putting Grumpy Cat to Shame

I am grumpy today.

I’m not even 100% certain as to why I’m grumpy today, but I am.

I forgot my book at home which means I have nothing to read during my lunch break. Which makes me irritated because I have grown accustomed to giving my eyes a break from a screen and reading a book in print, in my hands. My options now are to read something on my phone. Maybe nap. Although I know that napping is not realistic. I get even more irritated if I nap.

We’re still waiting on the payout from my husbands previous job. It’s been 4 months. I am getting to the end of my rope, both emotionally and psychologically. I’m tired. I’m stressed. I can’t do the things I want to do. We all know that money runs the world.

All this stress is sapping my creative juices and I can’t even write a short about Edessa like I wanted to. I was going to write about her experience leaving her home and finding Brexton and Aldric. I can get that far in my thoughts, but I can’t get any farther. I can’t get the ideas going when I’m grumpy which in turn is making me even more grumpy.

I’ve got a plain scratch pad in my office I haven’t touched. Perhaps I will take that to lunch and see if I can get anything moving. I won’t know until I try!

How is everyone doing today? The weather has gotten nicer. It’s -15°C today. Only feels like -22°C with the windchill. The last few days it has been feeling like -35°C or so with the wind. A friend posted an article how in Toronto they received 10cm of snow and the kids are bitching that they didn’t get a snow day. The responses from the school board to the tweets is absolutely hilarious.

But yeah. It’s freakin’ cold here and the kids still go to school. Depending on the temperature they may be relegated to inside recess, but they still go. Buses still run. If it’s really cold the buses won’t run outside of town so that means a day home for those kids, or that their parents will be bringing them in for school. I can’t think of a day when school was cancelled in the almost 3 years I’ve lived here and it’s been even colder than what I stated above.

Any way, hopefully I’ll get happier before the day is done.

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Posted by Sarah Jayne in My Book Stuff, Rantings, 3 comments