working mom

A Day in the Life

It’s been one of those days where I can’t wait for it to be over, and yet I feel like there isn’t enough time left in the day.

Some news, since I’ve been absent, is that I have a second job! This is on top of the free-lance writing I do, which has gotten me another client. I also work in a casual capacity as a Crisis Counsellor at my local women’s shelter. It’s been a learning experience, that’s for sure, but I’ve been able to use past experience when working with our clients.

Between the, four, jobs I have I am also starting two classes this term. These are prerequisite courses for the Masters in Education in Counselling Psychology that I hope to get into when I’m done. I have 5 courses in total so after these 2 I’ll have 3 left. It doesn’t look like I have any exams, yet, so that makes me happy.

The husband is starting his final year of college this fall as well. Our eldest is going to be in grade 1 and our youngest will be 3. It’s a bit crazy at my place right now.

Because it’s crazy, and I honestly have no other excuse, I haven’t touched TAK in months. When I get home from one of my jobs all I want to do is lay on the couch and veg. I don’t want to sit at a desk or with my tablet on my lap and attempt to flesh out more of TAK. It’s a horrible feeling; knowing that there’s this story inside that I can’t do anything about.

Also, not that you can tell, but I’m having a massive issue typing today. I have hit the backspace key so many times! What the hell! I’ve trimmed my nails so that’s not the issue. But honestly, it’s getting irritating.

Things are going well, otherwise. I took my eldest to see the Weird Al concert when it came through my province this summer. My husband took a few days off work and we made a family trip out of it. We went to a children’s museum and the zoo. Went to the park. My in-laws came out on the second day and we all went to the zoo together. It was fun! My eldest had HUGE attitude issues, though. But we’re also working on that.

He’s all registered for 2 programs at the local YMCA that will hopefully help with all the energy he’s got. He’s exhausting. But cute. I think I’ll keep him.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

3 Work Days Left!

I only have three days of work left at my Day Job before I’m off for the holidays! I’m super pumped for that.

Had a bit of a crazy weekend. Learned my youngest has no issues with stripping himself naked and peeing everywhere. My eldest got sick at 1am today all the way from his room to ours. Spent an hour cleaning it with our Bissell. He’s home with Dad today and I got the car! I feel like a grown-up again, being able to have my vehicle.

Yesterday we decided we would all go outside and enjoy the snow. It was a nice day and the snow was falling all light and fluffy like. Things were going well until I kicked the dogs toy……I can’t aim. My youngest son’s window paid the price. There were grumbles all around.

Eldest Son: Oh Mum. Look what you did.

Me: It was an accident. I’m sorry.

Eldest Son: No Mum. No snacks for you, not even chips!

Me: *cries*

Being scolded by a 5 year old is really humbling, while also being annoying. I did eat the chips anyway, just after he went to bed. You can tell which methods we’ve been using in that exchange, can’t you?

The kids seemed to have a good time. I got to go to kickboxing for the last time this year. I won’t be able to make it to my usual Sunday class because my husband is working. I might be able to make it during the week after Christmas, but we’ll see. My husband is going to a hockey game on the 29th and I’m not sure if the place is open on other days. I might just be done until the week of the 4th.

I hope our eldest is feeling better. It’s Christmas time and the poor kid has had it rough lately in terms of sickness. Also, my husband wants to go see Star Wars: The Force Awakens with his family tomorrow. Tickets have already been purchased. I will not be able to take time off so I hope the little dude feels better soon.

I also bunged up my wrist at kickboxing on Thursday. It’s a bit tender and I didn’t have a tensor bandage at home like I thought I did. I’ll just have to type less, because that’s when it hurts the most. So  yes, I’m in a bit of agony right now. You don’t know it, but I’ve been taking breaks as I type to give my wrist a rest hahaha.

I hope everyone is ready for the holidays! Like most people, I will probably stop posting for a while during the Christmas break. You might not hear much from me after the 23rd. As I’ve said before, the 24th is when things get started in our family. Board games and food! It will be grand. My father said he might call during the holidays. We’ll see, but I’m not holding my breath.

Which reminds me, I need to get those pictures to my father-in-law so he can hopefully print them for me. I should do that tonight!

I think I will also play The Nightmare Before Christmas tonight for the kids. It’s totally the best holiday movie ever.

the-nightmare-before-christmas-jack-skellington

 

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Confessions of a Working Parent: Lack of Time

There is never enough time in a day.

We get up at 6:30am, well, really get up at 6:45am but who’s paying attention.

Hurry hurry. Shower, dry hair. Get dressed. Feed kids. Wait, did we get both of them up? Could you eat any faster? No, we don’t have time for your meltdown over the fact that your sandwich is only in 2 triangles and not 17 billion.

Moving faster and faster. Inhale that cereal/oatmeal/milk/whatever the hell we gave you.

I don’t eat breakfast.

Are you done? Good. It’s time for shoes. Stop pushing your brother. Stop trying to smack each other in the head. Get your boots on. Get your coat on. Where are your mitts? Did you grab your bag? Don’t forget your lunch!

Out the door. Let’s hurry to the car/truck. Get in! Get in! Hold still while I buckle you. Yes, your bag is in the back. No, your brother is going with Dad like he has been every day for the past two months.

Through the inane jabbering, the stupid noises, the crazy parenting we make it out the door. Rush to the daycare. Basically throw the kid into the fray. No, I do not have time to sit and watch as you move slowly like molasses to take your outdoor stuff off and put your indoor stuff on. I have to go to work. Now.

Hurry back to the truck. Get to work to sit at a computer all day. Worry about money. Worry about school and kids and supper! What the hell are we eating tonight?!

Here comes 4:30pm. Rush out the door. Rush to the daycare to be greeted by a meltdown because he doesn’t want to go home. Screaming and crying now. Please just get your bag. We need to go home. There is supper to be made/eaten. Baths to be had.

Roll up to the house and unceremoniously dump everything outside the truck and rush inside. Please hurry up and take your boots off already. Grab your lunch bag. It needs washing.

Hurry up and eat. Hurry up and put your dishes away.

Hurry up.

One kid goes to bed and the other demands all attention. Still no rest. Finally, big one goes to bed. There is now 2 hours left before parents need to go to bed.

Where is the time?   Where is the ease? It’s rush, rush, rush. I am so mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. There is no ‘me’ time. There is no ‘parent’ time.

A babysitter? Have you heard how much those things cost?

It’ll get better. it has to. Time management may need to be revisited.

But honestly. Make my workday just 2 hours shorter and life would be so much easier.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments

Confessions of a Working Parent: Guilt

I work full time. I always have. When I met my husband 7 years ago I was working full time at a clothing store. I then landed a job with the Government which I held for almost a year before moving to a different section of the Government. I worked there for a year before I became pregnant with my first child. I took 9 months of leave and my husband took 3. It was wonderful!

But when those 9 months were up I went back to work. Full time. I worked for the Government for a bit longer until I found a less stressful job with a community college as an advisor. I worked there for a year and a half before we moved. 4 months after moving I had my second child. 2 months after that I started working as an ESL instructor in the evenings and on the weekend. That was my fist ‘part-time’ job in years.

I’ve always worked. Sometimes I’ve had more than one job at a time. When my second child was 9 months I also went back to work full time and taught part time in the evenings. We work so hard to give our kids the lives we never had, or to give them the life we did have and want to share. In my case it’s the former.

Right now my husband has made a career change and is in school full time and works part time in the evening. I work full time at a new job I’ve only been in since August. In the last two weeks I’ve had to take almost an entire week off work.

And I feel guilty.

I feel guilty to my new workplace. They haven’t made me feel this way, it’s an internal thing I always do.

I feel guilty to my children because I just want them to hurry up and get better; not so I can play with them and so they feel better but because I can’t keep taking time off.

I felt guilty this morning when I took my son to day care. He just wanted to hug me all day. He said he was tired and wanted to sleep and cuddle on the couch like we did yesterday and watch America’s Funniest Videos. I couldn’t even cuddle him yesterday because I had to make sure I was alert and able to cover for my co-worker. I’m lucky in that some aspects of my job are online and I can do this in these situations. This way I don’t have to eat up all my sick time.

But I feel guilty. I’m sure many working parents, men and women, feel this way. This world is not the same as it was. Mums or Dads don’t stay home all day with the kids unless it’s crazy feasible; which is often not the case. It is so hard to support a family of 4, I’m finding. Grandparents aren’t available because they either live too far away, they also work and don’t have the time or because they are too old or unhealthy to do it.

We all work. I know I will probably work until I’m dead. I have educational dreams and desires but I don’t know if I’ll ever achieve them. They cost money and time which I don’t  have.

I hate feeling guilty. I’m told I shouldn’t feel guilty but this is how society makes me feel. They make me feel that if I’m not at my Day Job every day then I’m doing something wrong.

It needs to stop. I’m tired of feeling guilty.

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 2 comments

The 'Mom Guilts'

Today, I find myself suffering from a supreme case of the ‘mom guilts’. I’m sure “Dad Guilts” exist as well, but I’m a Mom so for the purpose of this post I will refer to this feeling as the ‘mom guilts’. (Yes, I am well aware that ‘guilts’ isn’t actually a word).

I have two children. One will be five years old in May and the other is just 15 months old.

For various reasons, I have been working since my youngest was 3 months old. It was mainly evenings and weekends until September when I returned to work full time. As such, I have this sense of guilt that I have abandoned my youngest son.

I have held my current position since December 29, 2014. I have yet to receive a full pay cheque. Between day home issues, family illness and child illness I haven’t been able to put in a full two weeks of work. This week, I am extremely close! After today I have just one more day!

My youngest and I have been suffering from a head-cold for the past few days. Starting yesterday he was a bit warm. Nothing too serious. I took his temperature and it remained under the fever threshold. Other than being grumpy, I thought he was fine. He has this cold plus his two front teeth are coming in. It’s a given he’ll be grumpy in that situation. We went about our morning as usual and I noticed he was a bit more clingy than usual. That is usually a sign of impending illness. But as a working mother, I took him to the day home and went to work anyway. It was at this time that the small pangs of ‘mom guilt’ started to grow.

At about lunch time I got a message from my day home provider. My youngest was warm and wouldn’t stop crying. Just kept crying for an hour. Nothing she could do would calm him down. Cue the swelling of the ‘mom guilts’. After some discussion we agreed to give him some baby advil and if it didn’t get better she would let me know.

It didn’t get better.

I ended up having to dispatch my husband because I have been trying so hard to get a full pay cheque at this job I didn’t want to risk losing time. Cue the excessive swelling of the ‘mom guilts’. I work a half day tomorrow but I have to get our dog licensed with the city and register my eldest for Kindergarten because NONE of these things can be done outside regular Monday-Friday 9-5 hours WHICH IS WHEN I WORK and all of these things must be done face to face. Nothing by mail, over the phone, or online.

I also worked my other job last night. Because I am a crazy person and I work two jobs. So there I am, working away, while thinking of my poor little son and my poor husband and the undoubtedly horrible situation. At this point the ‘mom guilts’ are so big and insane that I can barely stand it. I rush home from work and the kids are both in bed and my husband is obviously worn out and he too is suffering from the ‘leaving-work-early’ guilts’.

Last night my poor little son was up every hour. At 4:30am he was definitely up. His little body was on fire and he was so upset. Thermometer said he didn’t have a fever but he was not normal. He had poor little shivers and that little suck in of breath that happens when they are too exhausted to fully cry. We gave him the last of the advil we had and let him sleep in bed with us. My husband called in to work and he is home with the kids as I sit in my office, consumed by the ‘mom guilts’.

I’m sure other parents have felt this way. We feel terrible when we can’t be there for our children, especially when they are suffering. Especially as the mum where I feel it is my job to be that nurturing provider of safety. I am glad my boys are very attached to their dad right now. But it makes me sad that they don’t seem to miss me even a little bit. I feel horrible that I’m putting my job before my kids, or at least it feels that way. The fact that both boys would prefer to cuddle their Dad and not me also makes me feel like I failed some secret test somewhere that grades my performance skills as a mum.

Maybe it’s just been a bad year so far.

It’ll get better, right?

Posted by Sarah Jayne in Rantings, 0 comments